Living Again After Pain and Loss

In 2017, I had several losses within an 11-month period, my grandmother, grandfather and uncle all passed away. I was not close to any of them, but I did reconnect to my grandmother and grandfather towards the end of their lives. I walked through these difficult times with my mother who endured the losses of both her parents and brother, and subsequently the death of one of her best friends (a family friend also). Before my grandparents and my mom’s friend passed away, there was the visits to the nursing home and hospitals and the “wait” for the dreaded phone calls. My uncle was found living in his car before an aneurism took his life. My uncle had been a drug user for the last several decades, so we were not sure exactly what the main cause of death was for him. During this time, I was also estranged from my prodigal child and had not spoken or seen him in months. This just added to the already devastations my family was facing. As a way to cope with all the pain, I begin to go “numb.” I lost the ability to enjoy the simple pleasures in life and found it most challenging to enjoy anything.

This season of pain and loss left me feeling distant from God and at times lacking the faith that I needed to overcome. I felt alone during this time and that one really understood what I had gone through. Some people seemed to not care at all, not even calling to check on me or send me a sympathy card.

If you have endured pain or some type of loss you may feel more than tired than usual, not be as active socially as you once were, find yourself wanting to sleep more, feel misunderstood by others and alone at times, feel numb emotionally, not motivated or passionate about much, and feeling like you are surviving more than truly living. There is a time to mourn and grieve and then there is a time to live again. Everything has a season, and mourning should not last years.

If you have been just surviving not thriving because of pain or loss, cut yourself some slack-pain is hard and many people do not recover well from it. Some people get stuck in the pain and do not allow themselves to truly heal and move forward. If you had a recent tragedy or loss, no one can say exactly how long it will take to feel like yourself again, however you should begin to feel at least slightly better after several months to a year. This of course will depend on the type of loss endured, your support system, and any previous losses that may still not be fully healed. Emotional healing takes time, so don’t feel the need to go and do everything. Take it slow and be gentle on yourself.

How to start living again after pain and loss:

1)      Start your morning off with God. Read the Word of God and be still to listen to what God may be speaking to you. Tell God how you feel.

2)      Tell yourself it is okay to enjoy life once again and begin to enjoy just the simple pleasures in life first.

3)      Keep your focus on your blessings and write down at least 5 things that you are thankful for every day, this will help you to focus on the good in your life.

4)      Take it one day at a time. Don’t try and figure out what’s next.

5)      Engage with those that are supportive and encouraging of what you have gone through.

6)      Write or journal what you have been through. Writing is therapeutic and can unlock deep emotional pains to the surface for healing.

7)      Take baby steps in doing things you might enjoy or things that you used to enjoy.

8)      Keep it simple and don’t overcomplicate or overschedule yourself, your learning to live again so you will need time for self-care.

Take one step everyday to living again and enjoying life, and you will eventually look back in a year and noticeably see how far you have come. One step at a time, not focusing or comparing what other people are doing or how others “get over” their losses so quickly.

Week 3: Balancing Hormones Naturally: What You Need to Know About Pesticides and Your Hormones

*If you have not had a chance to read my previous articles on diet and hormones and how stressaffects your hormones, click the links to read these articles.

Common household products like detergents, disinfectants, plastics and pesticides contain chemical ingredients that enter our bodies and disrupt hormones. Known as endocrine disruptors, these chemicals will interact with the endocrine system. Endocrine disruptors function by mimicking the action of a naturally-produced hormone such as estrogen or testosterone by blocking hormone receptors in cells, and by affecting the synthesis, transport, metabolism and excretion of hormones.

Endocrine disruptors have been linked to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, early puberty and infertility.

Beyond Pesticides recommends avoiding pesticides, but those particularly linked to endocrine disruptors. Eat organic food, fruits and vegetables as much as possible, and do not use pesticides in your yard or around your home. (Pesticides and Endocrine Disruption, Beyond Pesticides. www.beyondpesticides.org).

The online article, “Dirty dozen endocrine disruptors” recommends to avoid these 12 hormone-altering chemicals and how to avoid them:

1)      BPA-This synthetic hormone can trick your body into thinking it’s the real thing. BPA has been linked to breast and other cancers and to reproductive problems. How to avoid it? Go fresh instead of canned, avoid plastics and those marked with recycling label #7. For more tips, check out: www.ewg.org/bpa/

2)      Dioxin-Dioxins are very long-lived, build up both in the body and in the food chain, are powerful carcinogens, and affect the immune and reproductive systems. How to avoid it? This is pretty difficult, many animal products in America are contaminated with dioxin including meat, fish, milk, eggs and butter. Just try and cut back on animal products as much as possible.

3)      Atrazine-Research has shown to exposure to even low levels of the herbicide atrazine can turn male frogs into females that produce viable eggs. Atrazine is widely used on the majority of corn crops in the United States. Atrazine has been linked to breast tumors, delayed puberty and prostate inflammation in animals, and some research has linked it to prostate cancer in people. How to avoid it? By organic produce and get a drinking water filter to remove atrazine.

4)      Phthalates-Studies have linked phthalates to hormone changes, lower sperm count, less mobile sperm, birth defects in the male reproductive system, obesity, diabetes, and thyroid irregularities. How to avoid it? Avoid plastic food containers, some children’s toys, and plastic wrap made from PVC, which has a recycling label #3. Some personal care products (read labels and avoid products that simply list added “fragrances.”) Find phthalate-free personal care products at: www.ewg.org/skindeep/

5)      Perchlorate-This chemical contaminates much of our produce and milk. When perchlorate gets into your body it competes with the nutrient iodine, which the thyroid needs to make thyroid hormones. How to avoid it? You can reduce perchlorate in your drinking water by installing a reverse osmosis filter. You can get help finding one here: www.ewg.org/report/ewgs-water-filter-buying-guide As for food, it is pretty much impossible to avoid perchlorate, but you can reduce its potential effects on you by making sure you are getting enough iodine in your diet.

6)      Fire retardants- How to avoid it? It is virtually impossible, but you can use a HEPA filter with your vacuum, avoid reupholstering foam furniture and take care when replacing old carpet. Find more tips at: www.ewg.org/pbdefree/

7)      Lead-Lead is toxic and lead affects almost every organ system in the body. How to avoid it? Keep your home cleaned and well maintained. Crumbling old paint is a major source of lead exposure, so get rid of it very carefully. A good water filter can also reduce your exposure to lead in drinking water.

8)      Arsenic-This is a toxin found lurking in your food and drinking water. In small amounts it can cause bladder and lung cancer and it can interfere with normal hormone functioning. How to avoid it? Reduce your exposure by using a water filter that lowers arsenic levels.

9)      Mercury-Mercury, a naturally occurring but toxic metal, gets into the air and oceans primarily through burning coal. Eventually, it could end up on your plate in the form of mercury-contaminated seafood. How to avoid it? Go for wild salmon and farmed trout.

10)  Perfluorinated chemicals (PFCs)-PFCs are used to make non-stick cookware. How to avoid it? Skip non-stick pans as well as stain and water-resistant clothes, furniture and carpets.

11)  Organophosphate pesticides-Neurotoxic organophosphate compounds that the Nazis produced for chemical warfare were neve used, but after the war ended American scientists used the same chemistry to develop a long line of pesticides that target the nervous system of insects. How to avoid it? Buy organic produce. Check out this guide: www.ewg.org/foodnews/

12)  Glycol Ethers-Common in solvents in paints, cleaning products, brake fluids and cosmetics. How to avoid it? Avoid products with ingredients such as 2-butoxyetanol (EGBE) and methoxydiglycol (DEGME). Check out this guide for healthy cleaning: www.ewg.org/guides/cleaners/

Alexandra Zissu (2016), from the online article, “9 ways to avoid hormone-disrupting chemicals,” discussed these tips to steer clear of endocrine disrupting chemicals by:

1)      Washing your hands-wash your hands frequently and avoid fragrances and antibacterial soaps. Always wah hands before eating.

2)      Dust and vacuum often-Dust with a damp cloth and use a HEPA filter for vacuum.

3)      Avoid fragrances-Phthalates are typically found in fragrances. Choose a fragrance-free cream, cleaning products, garbage bags and laundry detergents.

4)      Avoid plastics-Swap plastic food storage containers with glass or stainless steel and never microwave plastic. Replace lunch baggies with reusable lunch bags and switch plastic wrap with beeswax-coated cloth.

5)      Avoid cans as much as possible-Canned foods are lined with BPA. Chose instead fresh or frozen.

6)      Watch what you eat-eat organic foods as much as possible. Cook your food in stainless steel, cast iron and avoid non-stick pots and pans.

7)      Filter your tap water- tap water contains a host of hormone disruptors including residue from birth control pills.

8)      Clean smarter- Try using vinegar, apple cider vinegar, baking soda, lemon for healthier ways to clean.

What changes can you make today to avoid some of these pesticides?

Does God Wnat Me to Enjoy Life?

Far too many people struggle with enjoying their lives. You may be one of those people who does not know how God would like you to enjoy life. I know I have struggled enjoying life and how God wants me to enjoy life, but I am learning and I hope you will too.

God does want us to enjoy life! He does not want us to be discouraged, defeated, depressed and lacking. Oftentimes, our circumstances cause us to lose our zest for life, and we become consumed by how large our problems appear. There are other times we exhaust ourselves copying what other people are doing, whether it is serving in the church or trying to “keep up with the Joneses.” We all go through challenging seasons that can zap our enjoyment of life, but we should not remain in this continual state. Depression whether medical or spiritual can cause you to not enjoy life, but with proper care such as with prayer, dietary changes, exercise, and/or supplements to treat the causes of depression, you should begin to enjoy life once again.

I went through a long season of extreme heartbreaking circumstances, during this time I forgot how to enjoy life. I did not laugh or smile very much during this season. I did not believe there was anything to laugh or smile about. Pain is tough and can change how you view life. I became very serious and “on-guard,” to what was going on around me, just in case there was more “danger.” How can one enjoy life when you looking around the corner for the “next?” You can’t!

You may get judged and criticized by others for not being what they need you to be. People may want you to go and do as before, and when you are not able to, some will judge you unfailrly. A word of caution not to judge why people may not do the things they used to do, pray for them and encourage them. We never truly know what others go through. Do what you can do, but do not feel guilty for needing to pull back and take care of yourself. When the time is right, God will pull back the “doors” that need to be opened in your life.

How does God want me to enjoy life?

·         In the simple things in life-a beautiful garden, birds singing or taking a walk-in nature.

·         Take time every day to unwind and relax. You don’t always have to going and doing.

·         Be still in the presence of the Lord and bask in His presence.

·         Slow down and stop being in a hurry.

·         Enjoy your meals and savor each bite.

·         Have at least one Sabbath day a week and take a nap!

·         Laugh often through comedies or being around people who make you laugh.

·         Stop being so serious about everything-lighten up!

·         Sing and dance around your house. David in the Bible danced before the Lord.

·         Be silly at times (not immature). You can still color and blow bubbles.

·         If you are married, enjoy your spouse and take pleasure in each other.

·         Drink a cup of tea on your porch.

·         Have lunch or coffee with a friend who is supportive and encouraging.

·         Treat yourself to something that you would really enjoy.

·         Be creative-paint, draw, or build something.

What do you believe that God would like you to start doing to enjoy your life?