Counselor's Corner: God Why Did You Allow This to Happen?

Dealing with Anger from Emotional Pain and Trauma

When you endure times of emotional pain and trauma and you specifically prayed for that event or situation not to occur and it did, or if you prayed that God would further shield you from any more pain and that did not happen the way you thought-it is possible that you have unresolved and repressed anger towards God.

Any type of trauma or emotional pain often shakes the very foundation of your faith.

Before the trauma you may have believed that God was your protector and that He was good ALL the time. After much suffering, it can be challenging to believe that God always protects you and is good to you ALL the time. Unfortunately, this is a topic that is rarely discussed in our Christian communities because we put on “masks” to cover up how we really feel. Unresolved anger towards God not only hinders our relationship with Him but with others.

A client I had years ago had many emotional problems and an addiction to prescription pain medicines. I asked her if she was “Angry at all at God for the things that happened to her”, and her response was, “We can’t get angry at God. I would never tell Him that I was angry with Him.” I then asked her, “Don’t you think God already knows?”

Countless Christians, many who you attend church with every week are angry with God but would never admit that. God already knows what is in the deepest part of our heart. God desires that you sit with Him, and tell Him how you feel. If you can’t tell God, write it in a letter addressed, Dear God. After you speak or write your letter to God, sit quietly and allow the Holy Spirit to minister to you. You will find that God is super gentle, gracious and merciful to our human weaknesses and understanding of our suffering.

In my own time of trauma, I eventually sat with the Father and asked, “God, why did you allow this to happen?” and I asked, “Why, God, why!” Of course, I did not get an immediate response to my questions, instead God started revealing to me all the good times that I had with the person that caused so much trauma in my life. God showed me that He already knew I was angry for believing that He did not stop what happened.

What God desires is to restore our relationship with Him. I did not realize that unconsciously I had placed God out of my heart because I had repressed anger towards Him. How you view your earthly father is a lot how you view your Heavenly Father. If your earthly father abused you, did not protect you, or neglected you, then when something happens in your life that you desperately want God to rescue you from and He does not immediately; anger and pushing God away is common.

Don’t condemn yourself if you have pushed God away or if you are angry at God. Don’t let another day go by staying this way. God may not reveal every detail why suffering happened to you, but He will comfort and strengthen you. Get real with God, He can handle it! Unresolved anger towards God can lead to bitterness and apathy and eventually a complete turning away from God. Why do you think so many people turn away from God when tragedy occurs?

Why God permits suffering is the age-old question. Some Biblical theologians and even scholars have concluded we just don’t know why suffering happens but perhaps like with Job in the Bible, God allowed satan to bring suffering for a reason or with the Apostle Peter how God allowed satan to “sift him as wheat,” to refine Peter, and sometimes it is to test our faith and other times we live in a fallen world and bad things happen. Whatever reason has caused your suffering, know that no weapon formed against you will prosper, this means if you took a hit from the enemy’s arsenal that weapon cannot succeed in your life. If you are highly analytical like I am, saying, “Just trust God,” is not helpful. People who are analytical have to work through and process with God our feelings, and that is okay because God created the analytical mind! Allow people who may be different from you the space and time to work through their questions about suffering.

Just because someone wonders and questions about suffering does not mean they don’t want a relationship with God, in fact the opposite is most likely true- the analytical are looking to prove God cares and not that He is a distant or non-existent God. Let God show you His great and marvelous mercy-ask Him!

Counselor's Corner: Getting Motivated After a Setback

After you have gone through a trial or setback, do you find it difficult to get motivated? You could lack the motivation to get up in the morning, be productive at work, start and/or complete daily tasks, or build relationships.

→Reflect: One of the first questions you should ask yourself is, “Do you know the reason(s) behind lacking motivation?

 

Are you lacking in motivation?

There could be many reasons you lack motivation:

·         A recent difficult trial, setback, or circumstance

·         Someone close to you betrayed, lied or took advantage of you

·         Chronic stressors in your life.

·         Hormonal imbalances for women

·         Don’t feel you are making progress

·         Feel every time you move forward, you have a setback

·         Feel overwhelmed-physically, mentally, or relationally

·         Not getting proper sleep and/or tiredness during the day

There may need to be some changes to make first to increase your motivation, such as getting at least 8-9 hours of sleep nightly. Visiting a nutritionist/doctor for hormonal balance issues as well as having blood work done to test proper levels. If you don’t feel physically well, it will be most challenging to motivate yourself.

After assessing your health and getting the proper treatments, the following are ways to get motivated again:

1.      Start small and make one or two goals for yourself each day.

2.      Take off your plate what is draining you and wasting time.

3.      Get inspired through a movie, a book or reading about a success story.

4.      Recognize that motivation ebbs and flows, some days you will have lots of motivation and other days not so much. Just keep going anyhow on the days you don’t feel motivated, knowing you will have motivational days ahead.

5.      Stop the negative self-talk about why you are not getting more accomplished.

6.      Go out in nature and let the beauty of nature inspire you.

Counselor's Corner: Bringing Your Life into Balance

Have you noticed in your life that when you get too little or too much of something, your life gets out of balance?

→There are many ways that your life can get out of balance. Check as many that apply to you:

·         Work demands

·         Extended family obligations

·         Church functions and/or volunteer opportunities

·         Watching too much TV, texting/checking emails constantly and/or social media

·         No time for fun or relaxation

·         Giving of self to others when your “cup is empty”

·         Little quality time with spouse

·         Eating too much junk food

·         Little or no exercising

·         Time spent with God is little or infrequent

Any others that may apply to you?

Life happens and sometimes curveballs come your way and you get completely out of balance. The goal is then to not stay out of balance.

Recognize the signs of being out of balance so that you may immediately get back in balance.

Signs you are out of balance:

1.      Tiredness, excessively sleepy or fatigued.

2.      Difficult concentrating or staying focused.

3.      Short-fused, irritable and/or easily frustrated.

4.      Feel tense; back and/or neck pain.

5.      Trouble laughing or smiling.

6.      Find yourself complaining and grumbling more.

7.      Difficulty enjoying the simple things of life.

8.      Overall just do not feel well.

9.      Experience high levels of stress.

How to get your life back in balance:

·         Recognize when you are out of balance.

·         Place God first above all. Spend daily time with God.

·         Prioritize what is most important-God, spouse, family, work/ministry.

·         Take a Sabbath (rest) once a week. That’s right, once a week, relax and do nothing stressful or work related.

·         Take a day off of work, or a long weekend.

·         Start exercising regularly and eating a balanced diet.

·         Be okay with saying, “No,” when you need to.

·         Do something that you enjoy.

·         Decrease time with energy-draining people and increase time with others who inspire, encourage and lift you up.

·         Set limits on your time-phone calls, texts, emails and social media.

You will know when you are back in balance when your heart rate, breathing and blood pressure are becoming normal. Your sleep is restful and replenishing. You have energy, have motivation and have creativity again. You do not feel tense, stress or anxiety. You are able to laugh and enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

Counselor's Corner: When You Don't Know What to Do

Have you experienced a situation in your life that you have no idea what to do? You get perplexed, confused and anxious just thinking about the problem. You may have a problem in your life that is just unsolvable to you. The more that you try and figure out how to solve your problem, the more complex the situation gets.

I recently had a situation come into my life that I had no idea what to do. I felt perplexed, anxious and worried at every turn. This problem I had made me feel backed into a corner, like I had no options but the one tangled mess in front of me. As much as I tried to sort through the rubble of mess in front of me-I could not! The more I tried to find a solution to the problem, the more unrest and agitated I was becoming. I felt smothered and squished as this problem kept getting more complicated. I grew increasingly frustrated as I could not discover how to make the crisis in my life stop.

I began to realize through all of my efforts to untangle the problem I was faced with, I could not; so, I stopped and I began speak God’s word over the situation. I began praying prayers for spiritual warfare, and I declared to the Lord, “I can’t and I have not a clue what to do.” As I gave the situation over to the Lord in trust, He began quickly interceding and overturning the tangled mess that came into my life.

►The KEY when you don’t know what to do is that you do nothing in your own accord, if you do you will wear-down. If a problem comes to you and you feel pressured or “backed in a corner” with no way out, take that as an indication the enemy is involved. God always provides a way out and never acts in confusion, chaos or pressure. If you feel problems are coming at you with no solution, and any solution you give does not help-back away and allow God to untangle the confusion. Even if you feel you should be doing something, especially if it is a crisis, don’t! Wait upon the Lord to direct and smooth out those ‘whirlwinds.”

Review: Prophetic Breakthrough: Decrees that Break Curses and Release Blessings

Prophetic Breakthrough: Decrees that Break Curses and Release Blessings by Hakeem Collins
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Absolutely a must read book to learn how to speak life and blessings and to come into agreement with the Word of God says about you and your situation. Powerful, anointed book. Highly recommend, it will change your life.

View all my reviews

Counselor's Corner: Get Back Up Again!

Do you feel you have been knocked down by repeated blows of the enemy? I want to encourage you today to get back up! You may have been knocked down but not knocked out!

If you have watched a boxing match and noticed when one of the opponents throws a punch that takes their opponent down to the ground the referee begins to count to see if the fighter will get back in the fight. There are times the bruised and wounded fighter stays down and the fight is finished, and then there are times a fighter who can’t even see out of their eyes because of the blood and swollenness gets up and back in the fight.

Perhaps you feel like the fighter who has been in a really long match and has gone down at of sear exhaustion. You may have thought about staying down because you do not know how you will possibly get back up and fight again with little strength.

→If you have been in a spiritual fight for any length of time you understand battle fatigue can happen. Battle fatigue is fighting the same “war” over and over again but not gaining any ground, and that becomes exhausting. This is exactly where the enemy wants the saints-worn-out from the same fights.

→The enemy will continue to use the same “fight” over and over hoping that you will get so fatigued from the fight you will stop fighting.

Reflect: Are you fighting a ‘fight” you are not supposed to fight and that is why you are worn-out? Have you been knocked down by the repeated blows that you just might stop fighting? What do you or who do you need to let go of and let God take over the fight?

God did not intend for us to engage in battles that we could never overcome. If you have been fighting the same battles for years, and you are tired from how you get defeated each time-step back and ask God, “Is this my battle or your battle?” God does not give you battles to lose over and over again.

If you are “down for the count,” pull away from your battles and seek the Lord. If you don’t know what to pray anymore, just sit still before God and allow Him to speak to you. Let God refresh and restore you in your quiet time. Allow God to bandage your wounds before you get back up and get back in the fight. It is possible that when you seek God, He may show you the fight that you keep fighting is not your fight and to get up and go another way. It is also possible that you have been trained as a warrior for the Kingdom of Christ and through the repeated trials you are not strengthened for battle. Seek God and His stillness what He is trying to say about the repeated battles you face.