Counselor's Corner: Helpful Tips for Overcoming the Holiday Blues

The holiday blues occur between Thanksgiving and New Year’s, and is accompanied by depression and anxiety symptoms. These symptoms occur because of unrealistic expectations of how families should be, demands of holiday parties and events, financial strain of buying gifts, reminders of past losses, holiday overeating, and the pressure of preparing your home for guests. Two-thirds of women suffer from holiday blues, and is common among singles, widows, and couples who are childless. These populations are affected more because most activities are centered on family. It can be a painful reminder to them as they ponder the people they have lost, or the families they have never had. Holiday blues affects Christians and non-Christians as well.

It is important not to repress how you feel. There is a healthy way to express grief without letting yourself wallow in self-pity. Denying your emotions and stuffing them, can exacerbate depression and anxiety. Some choose to isolate themselves because they do not feel festive.

Helpful tips for overcoming holiday blues:

1.      Own your feelings. Do not deny them but express them through journaling, talking to God about them, and/or allowing yourself times to cry. Crying can be healing and it allows a release from the pain. Do monitor the frequency of crying, if you are crying continually and cannot stop this can be a sign of something more serious.

2.      Do not force yourself to attend every holiday event, party, or social gathering. Pray about the ones that would be uplifting to you, and decline the rest of the invitations. Do what you can do, and do not feel guilty for what you cannot.

3.      Take time for yourself. Take some time to rest, and do something you enjoy.

4.      Take care of yourself. Exercise, preferably walking, this is one of the best exercises to reduce stress and depression. Eat balanced meals with fresh fruits and vegetables. Try as much as possible to stay away from fried foods and sugary sweets. Take a good multi-vitamin and drink plenty of water.

5.      Try not to have unrealistic expectations for your family. Accept them where they are at, and do not compare your family to other families or what you see on those sappy Christmas movies. If you have had a recent loss be extra gentle on yourself. Let others take over the heavy load that can come with holiday entertaining.

6.      Set a realistic budget for buying gifts. Look into baking homemade goods or crafts as gifts.

7.      Keep connected to the life source, Jesus Christ. Have daily time communing with God, and getting quiet before Him. Let God bring you the comfort that you could not receive from anyone else.

As the winter season approaches, it is common for people to have an increase of depressive episodes, most often referred to as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD); and then the holiday blues on top of SAD can be difficult to handle. If you are feeling suicidal or having suicidal thoughts, take the time to have an evaluation by a medical doctor, there could be an imbalance in your feel-good brain chemicals. Get prayer! Depression can not only be chemical but spiritual. Depression is serious, but also very common during these times of the year. Spending time with God can help reduce depression and anxiety, along with praying and surrendering your thoughts.

If you are feeling blue, depressed, anxious, or suicidal, please don’t give up. You are not alone, Jesus Christ who died for all of us, does love you. He does see you and He will bring help. Say out loud, “Jesus Christ does love me and every spirit of depression that is working against me must flee in the name of Jesus Christ.”

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Take it one day at a time and remember to breathe! 

Counselor's Corner: 10 Ways to Becoming a More Disciplined Person

What areas do you need to be more disciplined in? Exercise, eating right, your thoughts, finances, or perhaps reading the Bible and praying.

*See my new book, “Disciplining Your Mind, 30 Days to a New You.”

 

Discipline requires practice and repetition.

It is not wise to believe that you can get disciplined in an area of your life in a few short weeks. New habits can be formed and old patterns of behavior can be broken with discipline. Is it hard, is it work? Yes, but you can do it!

 I started training to be a runner over 2 years ago. I will never forget the first several weeks and even months. I had to train myself to get up early in the morning, as well as prepare myself before each run with stretching. I first started with a goal. I was going to run the 3 mile bridge close to where I live. Now this was a bit of a challenge being that I never ran before, however, I had made my mind up; I was going to learn how to run. The bridge that I wanted to run is also a draw bridge with a steep incline in the middle where the bridge is open to allow boats to pass through safely. I tried for 3 months to run over that draw bridge, but between the aches and pains in my legs and all the huffing and puffing that I was doing; I just could not complete the bridge. I decided to be realistic with my goal and to set a more realistic time frame for being able to finish the bridge. I made my goals smaller and more manageable.

I eventually accomplished the large goal of completely running over the entire bridge. After several months I finally made it over! Then I was set for my next goal to make running a weekly discipline, and to even enjoy it!

When I first started running I hurt my foot and I was not able to run for 2 weeks. I got very discouraged, but I had remembered that I already set my mind that I would exercise. I had to revamp my schedule of doing things because I could no longer run on my painful foot. When things do not work out the way you had planned, do not give up! I brain stormed some other ways I could still exercise without reinjuring my foot. I began to incorporate other forms of training such as biking, swimming, and walking.

When you begin to be more disciplined in whatever areas in your life, you will have some challenges and setbacks along the way. The key is to persevere.

10 Ways to becoming more disciplined in any area:

1.      Set a goal for yourself. What do you want to improve? Ask the Lord for His help.

2.      Set your mind ahead of time that you will follow through even with setbacks and challenges.

3.      Have a support system for encouragement for those times that you may get discouraged.

4.      Set small, realistic goals after setting your large overall goal.

5.      Remove temptations. If you are trying to eat healthier, replace chips and cookies with healthier snacks.

6.      Do not wait until you “feel” like improving in an area. It will feel uncomfortable and awkward, but move past the feelings.

7.      Make sure to reward yourself when you are completing your short goals.

8.      You will have ups and downs, failures and success when changing, but keep going and become determined that you will succeed. You will have “off days,” but do not let that stop you.

9.      Try to have a consistent routine, this is particularly important if you are beginning an exercise program.

10.  Have a free day. You should have one day where you are not focused on your goal. This is the time to sit back and enjoy your progress.

The best quality to have when disciplining yourself to change is to be determined.

Determination is a quality that makes you continue trying to do or achieve something that is difficult.

Do you know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things…But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection…1 Corinthians 9: 24-23 & 27

As the Apostle Paul discussed that we have to train like an athlete for our spiritual disciplines such as prayer, and reading the Bible. The most important discipline we can have is spiritual discipline, making the time for Jesus first. Before I run, I “run” to the Father. He comes first.

Counselor's Corner: How to Stress-Free During the Holidays

It’s that time of year again when the hustle and bustle of the holiday season is upon us. This time of year more people suffer from depressive episodes than at any other time of the year, usually brought on by stress, anxiety, and sadness. With Christmas just being a little more than a week away, I will share with you some things that can lessen your stress and improve your mental health.

The holidays can be stressful. Maybe you can relate. Have you suffered the loss of a loved one, recently been divorced, are you taking care of elderly parents, or maybe even a sick child?

Tips on how to stress-less this holiday season:

1.      Don’t try and keep up with everyone else’s spending and busyness. Do what you can do, and ask God what you should be involved in.

2.      Learn to say, “No.” Strike a balance with meeting needs of others and your needs. Set boundaries with difficult people. You don’t have to meet the demands of others. Do what is best for you family.

3.      Take care of yourself physically by exercising and getting rest when needed. Spiritually by spending daily time with God, and mentally by not complaining and speaking negative things over yourself and others.

4.      Be a blessing to someone else, or to several people.

5.      Pray for others who may be going through a difficult time, it can take your mind off your situation.

6.      Step away from all the craziness of the season and do something for yourself like, take a warm bubble bath or watch an old Christmas movie. Do something enjoyable.

7.      Start a gratitude list, and every day write out (5) things that you are thankful for. CHOOSE to focus on what you do have.

8.      Take it one day at a time. Do not project outcomes to situations before they happen.

9.      Let go of ALL guilt. Don’t place unrealistic expectations on yourself. Let go of expectations that you might have for others. Having unrealistic expectations for yourself and others can lead to disappointment and depression.

10.  Start a new tradition for your family, such as taking communion and reading the Christmas story from the Bible.

11.  Focus on the reason for the season. Keeps things in perspective.

12.  Try and not reminisce of how things were before, this can lead to discontentment; instead focus on what is good in your life now.

13.  If you have suffered a loss or have gone through something tragic, be gentle on yourself. Don’t compare yourself to others and what they are doing or what they have. This may mean getting off of Facebook and looking at everyone’s seemingly perfect life. This also may mean that you are not up to going to every Christmas program, party, or family event. Once again, DO WHAT YOU CAN DO and LET GO OF ALL GUILT.

What can you add to this list? Will you join me and share your ideas, it could help someone else, and please pass this on to others who need encouragement.

Need help with overcoming a negative mindset? Want to have a better attitude and start the New Year's off right?

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COUNSELOR'S CORNER: Dealing with Loss and Pain During Christmas

I do not know how you cope during the holidays if you have had any losses or pain in your life, but I would recommend doing what you can do and don’t try to keep up with other’s. You will need extra rest and time alone with God to process your grief.

 Do not feel pressure to attend Christmas parties or programs. I recently had a Christmas program at my church, and I really wanted to go; but I was having a bad day and I did not feel that I could handle going. Why, you may ask? I knew I was already feeling a bit emotional and hearing certain Christmas songs would most likely make me sad and being around others who have family might also make me feel sad. I do what I can, and I no longer feel guilty when I cannot be and do what EVERYBODY else is doing. I have finally come to the realization that I am not able to do everything (even if other people will not understand).

The holidays can be a mix of emotions for people, it can bring out some of our fondest memories as well as our deepest pain. More people commit suicide this time of year more than any other year, and depression and anxiety are high around the holidays.

Acknowledge that you have pain, do not try and stuff it or hide it away. Bring your hurt to Jesus, and ask Him to bring you comfort and peace. Do not isolate yourself, BUT DO WHAT YOU CAN DO! If you can only handle having coffee with a friend verses going to the Christmas play at church, then do what will be best for you. Keep in the presence of the Lord by praying, praising Him, and reading the Word-this is the most important detail to keep you in perfect peace. Create new memories and traditions.

Keep in mind that you are not alone, there are others who lonely, sad, maybe depressed or anxious this time of year. Christ is our focus this time of year, it is our time to reflect on His birth. It is okay if you are not able to celebrate like others, ask the Lord what He should have you to do or not to do.

Do something you enjoy doing this Christmas! Take care of yourself if you are dealing with loss this Christmas season.

Jesus heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:13

My prayer for the hurting this time of year:

Father,

We come before you and ask that you touch each hurting heart and place your healing hands upon their hearts. Be with them through this joyous and sometimes painful time, bring them a comfort and a peace that can come only from you. Let their sleep be peaceful and restful, and fill them with your presence and angels at night. Father, touch each home that is affected my loneliness or grief, and embrace them tenderly. God you know every hurting person out there and you know their needs, please be real to them today and pour out your love in real and authentic ways. Jesus we love you, we need you, please bring your strength. Jesus may we celebrate your day with awe and wonder, and may our focus be upon you.

In your name Jesus, amen