Word of Encouragement: Counselor’s Corner Communication is Key to All Healthy Relationships

Assuming someone understands how you feel, is not the same as communicating how you feel. Most of the time what we assume about someone else is perceived through our own lenses, thus making our assumptions faulty.

All relationships that you are involved with whether it is your spouse, children, siblings, or friends must have open and honest communication in order for those relationships to thrive and grow.

A relationship that does not have open, sincere and honest communication will not survive long or will become unhealthy in some manner.

If you are married, it is especially important to have weekly times of heartfelt communication where both carve out time at least once a week for no less than 20 minutes of meaningful conversation. Meaningful conversation with your spouse means talking about what is on your heart. During this open time of dialogue the couple should put away all distractions such as phones, IPad, and turn the T.V. off. Undivided attention is imperative during any time of directed communication. Facing each other or at a slight angle towards each other and give direct eye contact. If you are looking all around the room you will give the impression you are disinterested in what the person is saying. Watch your body language as well. Body language represents a large portion of how we communicate with each other. Sit in a relaxed manner with arms not crossed, and especially watch your facial expressions. If you are frowning or showing your anger in your face the other person will not feel free to open up in honesty. If you get defensive or angry at what the person is telling you, then it is not honest and open communication. You must listen first and hear the person’s heart before responding. If you don’t schedule regular times of communicating with your spouse, it most likely will not happen. Why? Life gets busy.

Effective communication involves allowing each other to speak freely and openly to work towards unity and problem solving. Most problems that you have with someone can be resolved with honest and open communication. Applying grace and forgiveness will allow for a quicker resolution to any problems you may have with someone.

In any relationship you are in if you don’t allow for regular, honest and open communication those relationships will be surface level only. Sometimes having surface only relationships can serve a purpose but they should not be in marriages, with your children, or with family (unless they are unhealthy).

Women especially thrive when they can communicate with the significant others in their lives. Women by nature are communicators and if they are not allowed to express their hearts they will invariably begin to shut down. Women connect mainly by communicating. Women need to be heard and validated regularly.

Communication is key to all healthy and successful relationships.

If you have trouble in one of your relationships, it is best to go and talk to that person one on one as soon as possible not allowing for the enemy to build walls and erect lies. If someone does not allow you to talk to them about a situation that is bothering you, you can’t make them talk. Try writing them a letter, and if that still does not work it would be best to let that person go until they are willing to face together the difficulty in your relationship. You cannot have a true relationship with someone by covering up the problems. Problems should be exposed so that no bitter root of resentment grows within you.


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