Counselor's Corner: When Life is Not Fair

Have you been given your share of heartaches and trials in life? Sometimes life just is not fair!

Maybe you thought by having a relationship with Jesus or serving God would somehow make your life fair or easier. You may have had some expectations for God, and when those expectations did not come through as you had hoped; disappointment in God slowly creped in. I know it is not easy to talk about when you feel disappointed by God, but the truth is He already knows what is in your heart.
What about the statement, “God never gives you more than you can handle?” What happens when you feel you did get more than you thought you can handle? Or what about,” Just pray and have faith and it will all work out?” What happens when things don’t work the way that you thought? 

Sometimes children die, your parents’ divorce, miscarriage and infertility occurs, or you have years of stressful circumstances.

Life just doesn’t seem fair sometimes! Why do bad things happen to good people? Of course the right answer is we live in a fallen world with evil abound, but if you have struggled with this question, you are not alone. A closer look at this question calls for a deeper response-At the core there is a deep-seated belief that God is not fair and that He has not been good to you. There are underlying reasons that you battle with believing God is good to everyone but you. Most likely you like justice and want God to balance the scales of justice and fairness in your life, and because He has not in the way you would like; you make a judgment about God: He is not fair.

I recently saw the movie, “The Shack,” in this movie the main character’s young daughter was brutally murdered and He asked God some tough questions about where God was and how He could be a just and loving God. You know the ending of the movie if you have seen it, but if you have not seen it go and find out how beautifully God’s love and mercy is explained in the movie. One of my niece’s best friends was murdered 3 years ago, and just this week her killer was found. The parents of this young girl said, “Finally justice is served.” My niece’s friend was an only child, was in her junior year at college, she loved God, and was one of the sweetest and kindest people that you could ever know. How was her murder fair, or how was it fair to her parents being she was their only child? Now they are robbed of seeing their daughter finish school, get married or have grandchildren. Fair? Absolutely not! Sometimes life is difficult and there are events that happen in our lives that leave us breathless. Yes, we have free will and unfairness will result when free will is a part of our humanity.
We all what fairness and justice. We all want life to be fair, but when it is not we can struggle with disappointment and an overall dissatisfaction in life.

Reflect and ponder: Do you feel that your life is not fair or that life in general is not fair? Ask God to expose the “roots” of why you feel life is unfair. Do you feel God has let you down, or not come through for you in a particular situation? What do you believe about your life?

Counselor’s Corner:

Tips to remember when life is not fair:

1.      What happens in you is more important than what happens to you. Joseph in the Bible went from the pit to the palace because he choose to concentrate his energies on being the person that he could be for God in whatever circumstance he was in.

2.      There are times that God tests us to see what “spills” out of us when we go through unfair circumstances. God desires to “clean-up” what has contaminated our spirits such as bitterness, anger or envy.

3.      Accept the reality of your situation, not “woe is me.” After you begin to accept your situation, you can control your reaction to those things that have harmed you.
4.      Seek out the lessons and the strength’s that you now have because of your hardships.
5.      Rise up and become a victor not a victim over your circumstances. No more wallowing in self-pity and asking, “Why me?”

Life is not fair, and you may not get everything that you want in this life. You may endure more than some people, but God can use those times to strengthen your relationship with Him and your faith has a chance to be purified. God does redeem our losses. Keep believing that God will cause good to come from your tragedies.


God is just: He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you.
2 Thessalonians 1:6

He will judge the world with justice and rule the nations with fairness.
Psalm 9:8


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