Skip to main content

About Me

My photo
Hope & Encouragement for Women

Counselor’s Corner: Overcoming the Victim Mentality and Becoming a Victor

Successful people are rarely victims. Victims by definition are people who do not acknowledge responsibility for their actions and who blame outside forces. Victims have a poor me attitude and wallow in self-pity. Victims feel that others are against them and that is the cause of their unhappiness. Victims portray themselves as unfortunates who need rescuing.

If you have a history of helping or fixing others, you will attract victims! Victims will drain you with their endless stories of how others have wronged them, and how they can never catch a break. Victims will cause you to burn out by their constant neediness. Victims do not want to discuss solutions to their problems, but will exhaust you to no-end with repeatedly blaming others for their misery.

Having a victim mentality is a learned behavior that usually begins in early childhood. Those with a victim mentality have difficulty expressing and processing negative emotions. Victims have a core belief that life is out of their control, and this results in hopelessness and helplessness. Victims will blame any and every scapegoat such as circumstances or other people. Victims often live in one crisis after another, and never see their part in the crisis. A person with a victim mentality does not make any effort to learn from their mistakes, and that others actions excuse them from taking responsibility.

Reflect and ponder: Do you know someone with a victim mentality or do you struggle with being a victim of your circumstances?

Counselor’s Corner:

Becoming a victor instead of a victim:

1.      Take responsibility for every action and circumstance in your life-you may not be able to control your circumstances, but you can control your responses. When you embrace this attitude, life’s circumstances will no longer control you because you are free to choose how you will respond.
2.      Do not surrender power over your life to others. In other words do not let your life be driven by your environment but by your inner attitude that you get to choose.
3.      Understand the world owes you nothing, and believing you have certain “rights” will lead to disappointment and anger.
4.      If you are ready to move on with your life and get unstuck you must stop blaming others for your woes. When you blame others, you leave yourself powerless.
5.      Recognize that from time to time you may feel sorry for yourself, just don’t camp there! Everyone will face challenges in life, but don’t go sit in a corner and “nurse your wounds” over and over.
6.      Start looking for the good in the situations that cause you to complain or to blame. Take your power back! Don’t give any person or circumstance that much control.

As children of a sovereign God, we are never victims of our circumstances.


I loathe my own life; I will give full vent to my complaint; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul. Job 10:1

You said, “Ah, woe is me!” For the Lord has added sorrow to my pain; I am weary with my groaning and have found no rest!” Jeremiah 45:3


Popular posts from this blog

Counselor's Corner: Investing in Your Marriage

If you have been married for any length of time you know that marriage is hard work. As with anything successful in your life putting time and effort are keys to how fruitful those things will be.

Perhaps you did not have the proper role models growing up to show you how to have a successful marriage, but you desire to have a healthy marriage. If God has brought you together with your spouse the greatest investment that you can make besides your relationship with God is your marriage.

Anyone can have a dull, lifeless marriage, but a marriage that is thriving takes certain elements to help it succeed. If you planted some flowers but forgot to fertilize and water those plants they would eventually become lifeless and die. Healthy marriages take the time to nurture and weed out anything hindering their relationship.

Couples striving for a healthy marriage should first ask God to cleanse their hearts of any unforgiveness, anger, resentment or offenses of their spouse. Staying angry or rese…

Counsselor's Corner: Where has Your Focus Been Lately?

What you focus on the most will grow. The enemy will try to get you to focus on what is wrong, what is not working, and what is worrisome to you. When you lose your focus on what is true, what is right, what is lovely and what is a good report (Philippians 4:6), you will begin to focus on the opposite of these.

CHOOSING to focus on the good will be a daily decision. When the enemy shows you something that is causing fear, worry or frustration, turn away and CHOOSE to focus on the good.

→If your focus has been more on the negative lately check to see who you have been hanging out with, what you have been reading or watching on TV, and giving your attention to the most.

→An unthankful heart can cause you to focus on your wants, but a heart of gratitude will cause you to focus on your blessings.

Distractions come to sidetrack you and get you to focus on what the enemy has brought in front of you. Keeping focus on Jesus means deliberately fading out everything that pulls you away from the…

Counselor's Corner: Healing from Trauma

→What is trauma?
A deeply distressing experience, or a very difficult or unpleasant experience that causes someone to have mental or emotional problems usually for a long time.

Trauma can occur one time like death, natural disasters or accidents, or trauma can be prolonged and repetitive like abusive relationships, family with addictions, or combat.

Trauma that causes the most mental health issues are prolonged and repeated traumas and trauma that occurs from people especially parent-child relationships.

→What is a traumatic event?
Extreme stress that overwhelms a person’s ability to cope and overwhelms a person emotionally, cognitively and physically.

→Symptoms of trauma:
·Easily startled
·Sensitive to certain noises
·Feeling on edge
·Overwhelming feelings of guilt
·Intrusive thoughts of trauma
·Disconnected from others and difficulty trusting others
·Difficulty handling stress
·Emotional numbness

→Long-term effects of trauma can include:
·Substance and alc…