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Counselor’s Corner: Overcoming the Victim Mentality and Becoming a Victor

Successful people are rarely victims. Victims by definition are people who do not acknowledge responsibility for their actions and who blame outside forces. Victims have a poor me attitude and wallow in self-pity. Victims feel that others are against them and that is the cause of their unhappiness. Victims portray themselves as unfortunates who need rescuing.

If you have a history of helping or fixing others, you will attract victims! Victims will drain you with their endless stories of how others have wronged them, and how they can never catch a break. Victims will cause you to burn out by their constant neediness. Victims do not want to discuss solutions to their problems, but will exhaust you to no-end with repeatedly blaming others for their misery.

Having a victim mentality is a learned behavior that usually begins in early childhood. Those with a victim mentality have difficulty expressing and processing negative emotions. Victims have a core belief that life is out of their control, and this results in hopelessness and helplessness. Victims will blame any and every scapegoat such as circumstances or other people. Victims often live in one crisis after another, and never see their part in the crisis. A person with a victim mentality does not make any effort to learn from their mistakes, and that others actions excuse them from taking responsibility.

Reflect and ponder: Do you know someone with a victim mentality or do you struggle with being a victim of your circumstances?

Counselor’s Corner:

Becoming a victor instead of a victim:

1.      Take responsibility for every action and circumstance in your life-you may not be able to control your circumstances, but you can control your responses. When you embrace this attitude, life’s circumstances will no longer control you because you are free to choose how you will respond.
2.      Do not surrender power over your life to others. In other words do not let your life be driven by your environment but by your inner attitude that you get to choose.
3.      Understand the world owes you nothing, and believing you have certain “rights” will lead to disappointment and anger.
4.      If you are ready to move on with your life and get unstuck you must stop blaming others for your woes. When you blame others, you leave yourself powerless.
5.      Recognize that from time to time you may feel sorry for yourself, just don’t camp there! Everyone will face challenges in life, but don’t go sit in a corner and “nurse your wounds” over and over.
6.      Start looking for the good in the situations that cause you to complain or to blame. Take your power back! Don’t give any person or circumstance that much control.

As children of a sovereign God, we are never victims of our circumstances.


I loathe my own life; I will give full vent to my complaint; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul. Job 10:1

You said, “Ah, woe is me!” For the Lord has added sorrow to my pain; I am weary with my groaning and have found no rest!” Jeremiah 45:3


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