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With God's help, I Provide hope and encouragement to women of faith through practical advice and tools. I blog about my personal experiences in overcoming trials, and I use my background in counseling to give tips and techniques to live a victorious life.
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Healing from Unresolved Grief through Emotional Resiliency
Unresolved grief is different than normal grief. With
grief there is closure eventually, such as with a death of a loved one, but
with unresolved grief there is no closure. Over time, the unresolved grief may
lessen but that does mean there has been a recovery from the loss. Some
examples of unresolved grief could be having a child that is addicted to drugs
or alcohol, an adult child that rejects their parents, infertility, having a
missing family member or having a disabled child. Not being able to have
closure can cause a host of mental health issues such as depression and
anxiety. Unresolved grief is complicated grief, in that there is a need to
still keep hope alive but it also interrupts the mourning process. This can
feel like a wound that never heals. As a mother of a prodigal child and having experienced
unresolved grief after 10 years, I began searching for ways to heal
effectively. At some point, I believed there was no hope and that I would
continue to live in grief. I honestly do not believe that is God’s plan.
grief can cause you to feel stuck and unable to move on with your life.
Unresolved grief affects current and future
relationships. You begin protecting your heart from any further hurt, which
means relationships suffer. Unresolved grief is usually at the root of fear
about new relationships. One may also experience constant fear of loss, anger/cynicism,
guarded emotions, helplessness, loss of identity and chronic depression. Issues
need to be resolved before you can begin to have healthy relationships. You may
need to write a letter to your loved one expressing how you feel, but then you
may choose to burn that letter or bury it.
who experience traumatic loss are more susceptible to developing PTSD (post-traumatic
stress disorder), and can suffer from psychological stress.
symptoms of trauma related stress:
Nightmares, trouble sleeping, being on edge/easily
alert, low energy, feeling depressed, memory problems, feeling overwhelmed by
the smallest of tasks, feeling irritable/agitated, fearful of the future, feeling
emotionally numb, withdrawn and disconnected, and relying on alcohol and drugs
to ease the pain.
Healing from unresolved grief and any trauma related
stress starts when we acknowledge the loss and accept the loss. Part of
acceptance means letting go. Share your story with someone who you can trust,
but then take it to God. Tell God exactly how you feel. Ask God to bring
healing to your unresolved grief, and help with moving on with a new life. You
are not betraying your loved one if you move on with your life, and it does not
mean that you do not love them.
that God gives you emotional resiliency.
resilient means to become strong, healthy or successful again after something
bad happens (able to return to an original shape). Emotional resilience simple means
being able to adapt to stressful situations or crisis.
Emotionally resilient people get knocked down, but
they get back up quick. Emotional resilience can be learned, but I believe that
Jesus can aid in that learning.
resilience is a must in dealing with unresolved grief.
Emotional resilience means that you accept that you
cannot change your painful situation. Resilient people are characterized by an ability
to experience both positive and negative emotions after a difficult or painful
situation. Losses are mourned, but emotionally resilient people find the
potential redeeming value in most challenges. Resilient people always find the
silver lining in the most painful or difficult of circumstances.
When adversity strikes, focus on what you are thankful
for, and this will boost your resiliency, and choose to focus on what is positive
and good in your life. Taking regular breaks, nurturing, and taking care of
yourself and doing things that you enjoy, regular exercise,
laughing, being kind to others and yourself, social support, and continuing to
learn, can help build resiliency as well.
cannot control everything that comes at you, but you can control how you react
our hope in people, will almost always lead to disappointment, but placing our
hope in Jesus will never disappoint.
The navy SEALs have a saying: “Get comfortable being uncomfortable.”
Learning to be uncomfortable at times instead of
running and escaping will force you to learn from the situation that is causing
you pain. Resilient people learn and grow from pain and challenges. Resilient
people who need to survive the harshest situations and still accomplish goals
(like POW’s, Special Forces units and Nazi holocaust survivors like Corrie ten
Boom) balance a positive outlook with a realistic world view. Emotional resilient
people do not remain focused on the negative, and they tend to rapidly disengage
from problems that appear unsolvable. Emotional resilient people face their
fears, they do not let fear overpower them.
PTSD was mentioned in this article, but someone can
also experience the reverse: post-traumaticgrowth. Many people who experience hardships
and get through them properly can come out stronger not weaker!
If you have been married for any length of time you
know that marriage is hard work. As with anything successful in your life
putting time and effort are keys to how fruitful those things will be.
you did not have the proper role models growing up to show you how to have a
successful marriage, but you desire to have a healthy marriage.
God has brought you together with your spouse the greatest investment that you
can make besides your relationship with God is your marriage.
Anyone can have a dull, lifeless marriage, but a marriage
that is thriving takes certain elements to help it succeed. If you planted some
flowers but forgot to fertilize and water those plants they would eventually
become lifeless and die. Healthy marriages take the time to nurture and weed
out anything hindering their relationship.
Couples striving for a healthy marriage should first
ask God to cleanse their hearts of any unforgiveness, anger, resentment or
offenses of their spouse. Staying angry or rese…
you focus on the most will grow. The enemy will try to get
you to focus on what is wrong, what is not working, and what is worrisome to
you. When you lose your focus on what is
true, what is right, what is lovely and what is a good report (Philippians
4:6), you will begin to focus on the opposite of these.
to focus on the good will be a daily decision. When the enemy shows
you something that is causing fear, worry or frustration, turn away and CHOOSE to focus on the good.
→If your focus has been more on the negative lately
check to see who you have been hanging out with, what you have been reading or
watching on TV, and giving your attention to the most.
→An unthankful heart can cause you to focus on your
wants, but a heart of gratitude will cause you to focus on your blessings.
Distractions come to sidetrack you and get you to
focus on what the enemy has brought in front of you. Keeping focus on Jesus means deliberately
fading out everything that pulls you away from the…