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With God's help, I Provide hope and encouragement to women of faith through practical advice and tools. I blog about my personal experiences in overcoming trials, and I use my background in counseling to give tips and techniques to live a victorious life.
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When Carrying the Burdens of Others Becomes Heavy
This is what it feels like, when we carry other's burdens.
Most are familiar with the scripture from Galatians
6:2,”Bear one another’s burdens, and so
fulfill the law of Christ. “But what happens when this is out of balance,
or you have a very tender heart and carrying other’s burdens makes you feel
heavy? For the last several years, I have undergone many emotional and trying
times. Previously, I was the “burden bearer” for everyone in my family, with my
friends, and with my ministry. However, carrying the loads of everyone while I
was undergoing massive upheaval began to weigh me down physically, emotionally,
and spiritually. I thought it was my “Christian duty” to help, listen, and provide
emotional support to WHOEVER needed it and WHENEVER they needed it. But, I was
drowning while I was trying to uphold the burdens of everyone else. Burden
bearers are sensitive people and can perceive the emotional distress and pain
of others, they often “carry” the weight of what is being told to them. They
also have a misunderstanding of the scripture form Galatians 6:2, and take that
scripture to mean at all costs!
After going on for years carrying the burdens of
others and feeling the weight of everyone’s load, I collapsed. I was exhausted
and burned out on helping others. I could not go not one more step, and was
diagnosed with Adrenal Fatigue (this is caused from high levels of stress). I realized
my “cup was now completely empty” and I was running on “fumes.” I had to pull
back and take over a year to rest and get well, which means I literally had to
stop helping! I am naturally a helper and I will give you all of myself even if
I have nothing left to give. But during the last year of recovery, I realized
some things, “Does God really want us to carry the burdens of everyone until we
are sick or heavy emotionally?” I came to the conclusion that for me to
maintain proper health, I could no longer do what I did before. There had to be
changes to be made.
I am a great listener,
and even have over 17 years of experience as a counselor, but I could no longer
endure the daily grind of listening to everyone’s issues and carrying their
burdens. So, I made the change of becoming a writer instead. I use all of my counseling
experience as well as my personal experience to help people, without the burden
of listening day in and day out of consuming problems that I would carry. Yes,
I would give them to the Lord and pray, but somehow, I would think about their
problems and really “feel” their pain. I tried not to, but I just could not do
it. I get so invested in the lives of others. I also made a decision to start
painting with my husband for therapy as well as start a small business with him
selling our work.
I have learned to limit my time talking with people on the
phone or in person, to save energy and boundaries with my time. I used to talk
with people for hours, usually about their problems and needs. But now I limit
how long I speak to others. I have limits and boundaries on my time, before I
had none. If someone wanted to meet me to talk or to have lunch, I would find
myself there with them all day, while they laid their cares upon me. People can
usually sense when you are tender, caring, compassionate, and a good listener,
and some WILL take advantage of that. Now, I will listen for a short time, and
then offer to pray immediately. I have learned that sometimes talking it all
out with someone drains me emotionally, but praying with them does not. I have
also learned that sometimes others have to carry their own loads and be
responsible for their lives. I cannot take responsibly for the actions of
others. Sometimes, I do well in just carrying my own load, much less the loads
of others. I have also learned that everything I hear or are exposed to, that I
surrender it immediately to God. Then I wait on God, to tell me to what to do.
Sometimes, it is simply to just intercede in prayer. I am learning not to feel
the crushing weight that I do when I know someone is in pain or in trouble.
How? By praying continually for relief and for their situation. I also ask God
to cover me and shield me from all demonic exposure and false responsibly and
heavy burdens. I am certain God does not want us carrying the burdens of others
until we are wiped-out.
We can listen to others, but don’t allow them to
consume all your energy and time. If someone is going through a crisis, of course,
you may give a little more of your time; such as when someone experiences a
death. But when the same person, with the same problems wants to continually
talk, and talk, and talk and deplete you of your energy; it’s time to put
limits. There are some people who are used by the enemy to wear you out and
bankrupt you emotionally and spiritually. You will know because they have the
SAME problems, they really don’t listen to anything you say to them, and you
feel heavy, burdened, and exhausted after speaking with them.
If you have been married for any length of time you
know that marriage is hard work. As with anything successful in your life
putting time and effort are keys to how fruitful those things will be.
you did not have the proper role models growing up to show you how to have a
successful marriage, but you desire to have a healthy marriage.
God has brought you together with your spouse the greatest investment that you
can make besides your relationship with God is your marriage.
Anyone can have a dull, lifeless marriage, but a marriage
that is thriving takes certain elements to help it succeed. If you planted some
flowers but forgot to fertilize and water those plants they would eventually
become lifeless and die. Healthy marriages take the time to nurture and weed
out anything hindering their relationship.
Couples striving for a healthy marriage should first
ask God to cleanse their hearts of any unforgiveness, anger, resentment or
offenses of their spouse. Staying angry or rese…
you focus on the most will grow. The enemy will try to get
you to focus on what is wrong, what is not working, and what is worrisome to
you. When you lose your focus on what is
true, what is right, what is lovely and what is a good report (Philippians
4:6), you will begin to focus on the opposite of these.
to focus on the good will be a daily decision. When the enemy shows
you something that is causing fear, worry or frustration, turn away and CHOOSE to focus on the good.
→If your focus has been more on the negative lately
check to see who you have been hanging out with, what you have been reading or
watching on TV, and giving your attention to the most.
→An unthankful heart can cause you to focus on your
wants, but a heart of gratitude will cause you to focus on your blessings.
Distractions come to sidetrack you and get you to
focus on what the enemy has brought in front of you. Keeping focus on Jesus means deliberately
fading out everything that pulls you away from the…