Skip to main content

Where do I Belong? Feeling like a Misfit



Dictionary.com defines belonging as something that belongs. I don’t know your background, but did you get a sense that you belonged? The world and society says you only belong if you perform up to a certain standard. We can be insecure when we lack a sense of belonging.



You may have not known your parents, whether through adoption, abandonment, or death. You may have not been shown love, acceptance, or felt like you belonged. You may have experienced being bullied or ridiculed by your peers, and felt the sting of rejection by certain groups. You may have endured physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, and you have never felt like you belonged. You may struggled in school and not made the highest grades. You may have experienced being a teenage mother. You may have struggled with your health, and perhaps even been homebound. You may have come from a financially poor family, and struggled with trying to keep up. You may have a physical disability. You may struggle with your mental and emotional health.

A misfit does not quit fit into anyone class or group. There is a sense of not belonging.

I am a firm believer that attachment and belonging start in infancy and even in the womb. Our parents give us our first sense of belonging and acceptance as well as our image of God. Have you felt like you have never quit fit into a particular group? Have you searched for significance and belonging? I believe, that most girls/women and some men become promiscuous because they are longing to fill the void of belonging, attachment, and love. We see in our society every form of trying to fill the void of belonging and love, whether through gangs, cults, and even religion.

Psychologist, John Bowlby, introduced the attachment theory. Bowlby presents that when we are accepted by others we experience warmth and security, and by contrast when we experience rejection by others it can cause shame and anxiety. Bowlby’s work included his theory on the relationship between infants and their caregivers. It was proposed that strong, secure attachments found in early years were associated with an individual’s ability to form intimate trusting and emotionally secure relationships.

Psychologist, Abraham Maslow, introduced the “hierarchy of needs.” Basically he formulated a pyramid with five levels of our basic needs, one of the five, he labels love and belonging. According to Maslow, humans need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance among their social groups, including family and friends. Humans need to love and to be loved by others.

You may be thinking that you have not received that kind of love and belonging in your relationships, whether family, friendships, or others. As a child, I did not fit in and belong, and even as an adult I still have not found one particular group of people I can say I totally belong. Even though, I do belong to the Body of Christ, there are stills groups and cliques we form in the church. I am eclectic, a hodge-podge of various things, and I am not a typical “church girl.” I don’t like dresses, things that are “frou-frou,” I don’t come from a Christian heritage, I prefer to hang-out with people who are the misfits, and I have a prodigal son that I had as a teenager.  

Maybe you are physically disabled, homebound, homeless, an orphan, a widow, a teenage mother, have no children, single, financially strapped, have health ailments, or even emotional issues. Maybe you have come from an environment that you did not feel loved and felt like you belonged. Maybe you were abused, abandoned, rejected, and tossed-aside. Maybe you were forgotten or misunderstood. Maybe you have always felt different. You are not alone. There are countless others, including myself, who have experienced these difficulties.

BUT…Reflect on these truths…

You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His possession, that you may proclaim the excellences of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.
1 Peter 2:9

~ Don’t compare yourselves to others.

For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love, He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ.
Ephesians 2:10

~ Know matter your family background, you have been adopted into the family of God.
You belong to Christ's family.



God has a special place in His heart for misfits. God always had in His heart to take care of those who could not take care of themselves, the orphan, the widow, and the fatherless. Jesus did not just come for the powerful, the prosperous, or the religious, but Jesus came for the blind, the lame, the diseased, the dead, the hurting, the outcasts, and the sinners. Just look through the Bible and you can find numerous misfits God choose to use and redeem for His purposes. God is a redeemer that means whatever your losses have been, He will rectify them. Abraham and Sarah, a childless couple, God chose to make a great nation though them. Moses, had a speech impediment and was a murderer, yet God still used him. The disciples were misfits, tax collectors, fisherman, and just commonplace. Rahab, the prostitute, obviously a misfit, was used by God and was seen as faithful. Naomi, a widow and, and bitter because of her circumstances; God sent her a kinsmen-redeemer, and she was used mightily with her daughter-in-laws.

God still uses misfits today! If you are a misfit, you can rejoice that God has a special plan and purpose for your life. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, you belong to God’s family. Though you may have been rejected by people or may have not felt accepted; you are accepted and loved by God.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Counselor's Corner: Healing from Trauma

→What is trauma?
A deeply distressing experience, or a very difficult or unpleasant experience that causes someone to have mental or emotional problems usually for a long time.


Trauma can occur one time like death, natural disasters or accidents, or trauma can be prolonged and repetitive like abusive relationships, family with addictions, or combat.


Trauma that causes the most mental health issues are prolonged and repeated traumas and trauma that occurs from people especially parent-child relationships.



→What is a traumatic event?
Extreme stress that overwhelms a person’s ability to cope and overwhelms a person emotionally, cognitively and physically.


→Symptoms of trauma:
·Hypervigilant/guarded
·Easily startled
·Sensitive to certain noises
·Feeling on edge
·Depression/anxiety
·Overwhelming feelings of guilt
·Intrusive thoughts of trauma
·Disconnected from others and difficulty trusting others
·Difficulty handling stress
·Emotional numbness


→Long-term effects of trauma can include:
·Substance and alc…

Counselor's Corner: Overcoming the Fear of Failure

Fear of failure occurs when you have tried to accomplish a goal or a task and either had setbacks, delays or no progress at all. Usually the fear of failure does not happen the first attempt at a desired outcome but afterrepeated attempts to achieve your dream or destiny.



Failure is mostly based on your perception, in other words, if you keep trying after not succeeding do you give up or keep trying? If you perceive that you are a failure and whatever you do will fail, you will not keep trying. If you believe that failure only occurs if you stop trying than you likely will continue to pursue your dreams.


I had great ambitions to become a published author. I set out on my mission to publish my first book, and I did several years ago. The problem is that even though I did have my book published, the sales of that book only covered the expenses of what I paid the publisher. I did not make a large profit and became terrified to write another book. I knew I was supposed to write another bo…

Counselor's Corner: Enjoying Life Again After Trauma

*See articles, Healing from Trauma,Healing from Emotional Pain and Trauma and God, Why did You Allow this to Happen


If you have endured any type of trauma, learning to enjoy life again will part of your healing journey. For many people who have lived through traumatic experiences whether one time or recurrent trauma’s, the brain and body goes into a protective mode by shielding itself from any further danger. This protective mode is only supposed to last until you can cope with the initial shock of the trauma. I am sure you have heard of people who are described as going into “shock” when someone they love passes away. After the initial shock wear’s off, most people begin the healing process, but for some the trauma is too difficult for them to process and they remain stuck in the time that the trauma. Repressing trauma is seen frequently in people who have a history of past trauma’s such as childhood abuse. Other ways one does not deal with the trauma they experienced is through drug …