Are You Too Busy and Distracted?

https://youtu.be/AadPev5h8SM

Counselor's Corner: Focus on Your Progress Not Your Failures

To focus means to be intentional at looking or directing your attention at something specific, making whatever you’re looking at larger than other things around you.

Recently, I found myself focusing on all what was wrong with me, what I was not doing enough of, whom I might not be pleasing, or what I should be doing. I was magnifying all the negative aspects of myself while minimizing what is good about me and what I am doing right.

If you magnify your weaknesses, failures, and mistakes-you will eventually be discouraged and eventually depressed.

Most of the time the originator of focusing on what is wrong with you comes from satan and his cohorts, but we can also play a part as well. What are you believing about yourself? What God says, what other people say, or what the enemy says? Perhaps you are believing a combination of what God says, other people say and what the enemy says about you.

When you focus on what you are doing wrong as opposed to what you are doing right, you get stuck, afraid to move forward for fear of making more mistakes, having another go-around of failures, or letting yet another person down.

You can get bogged down in past failures, and believe the lie that you don’t have what it takes to accomplish anything for the Kingdom of God.

Rest assured, if you are growing in God, desiring to serve Him, or making spiritual progress; the enemy will use old, familiar tactics to slow you down. This strategy is in hopes that you will be so defeated and discouraged by the continual focus on your weaknesses and mistakes that you will not pursue the calling that God has placed on your life.

Challenge:

Focus on what you are doing right. Focus on your strengths. Focus on all the progress that you have made. Remember to focus is to be intentional. Reject thoughts of failure, past sins that you have been forgiven of, and weaknesses that you are in the process of overcoming.

Ask the Holy Spirit to infuse in you the truth of how He sees you and what He thinks of you. Ask Him to show you what your strengths are.

None of us are perfect, we are being made into the image of Christ but we have not and will not obtain perfection this side of eternity.

Forgive yourself of all your past sins, failures, mistakes, and those you may have let down. Ask God to forgive your sins, and let go of the unrealistic expectation that you have of yourself.

Be the best you that you can be.

Counselor's Corner: What I Have Learned About True Peace

I always believed peace would come to me when my circumstances became better. I was certain when my prodigal child came to his senses, I would truly be at peace, or when those in my family stopped living for the world, then I could have peace. I thought I would have peace when my disruptive, non-believing neighbors would just move.

What I am realizing is that none of these circumstances have changed as of yet, maybe I needed to change then.

I needed a change in the way I viewed peace. I was waiting until my situations changed so I could eventually be at peace. Sometimes I believed I would not achieve peace until I was in heaven.

This is what I have learned about true peace:

1.     True peace is not found with people, when your problems cease or when your circumstance align themselves perfectly so that you can have peace.

2.     True peace is not found in a bottle, a pill, or escapism through binge watching TV or eating.

3.     True peace is not when everyone in your life does what you would like them to do, because they may not.

4.     True peace is not when you do everything perfectly, because you won’t.

Where does true peace come from? The only source, Jesus Christ. The problem for many, including myself is believing Jesus’ peace is like the worlds.

You cannot have the kind of peace that Jesus Christ offers until you accept Jesus as your Savior, until then you will have to rely on cheap substitutes to get your peace.

Jesus gives peace right in the middle of trouble. Biblical peace does not focus on the absence of trouble, and is unrelated to circumstances. When you have this kind of peace you are not touched by what happens on the outside. Yes, when tragedy and trials hit, you will still feel pain but Jesus can give you a peace that surpasses all human understanding, in other words you would not be able to obtain this kind of peace on your own.

The peace of God requires us to make a decision to trust Him in all of our circumstances, especially our most difficult and trying circumstances.

Peace certainly won’t come when your most difficult situations cease, for surely another trial will come behind it, it’s learning to have peace in the midst of each and every circumstance of life. This is not being negative, but the reality of living in a fallen world. Jesus said that we would have trials and tribulations in this world.

Reflect:

My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. John 14:27

Let the peace of God rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:15

And the peace of God which passes all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ. Philippians 4:7

Jehovah Shalom means the Lord of peace.

The Prince of Peace-Isaiah 9:6

What I Have Learned About True Peace

Counselor's Corner: Giving Yourself Grace When You Don't Feel You Deserve It

Have you gotten angry at your spouse, again? Yelled at the kids yet again? Or cheated on your diet for a second time?

Perhaps you did something far worse than the scenarios above and you just can’t forgive yourself. You play mental tapes over and over in your mind what you did wrong and what a terrible, no good person you are. If you are a Christian, you tell yourself that you could not possibly love Jesus acting and behaving the way that you did.

But what if we understood that none of us are perfect and are all flawed human beings with weaknesses and bents towards certain sins in our lives. Without the  grace of Jesus Christ, we are all just sinners who could possibly never save ourselves from our sin nature. Even after conversion in becoming a disciple of Jesus Christ, we still have not obtained perfection. In fact, we are working towards sanctification daily, that means we are a work in progress.

If you look back on your Christian walk, you should see progress and growth. You may have a long way to go, but you are no where near the person you were before salvation.

Reflect:

·        Why is it that we expect ourselves to be perfect and withhold forgiveness to ourselves when we are learning about the ways of Christ?

We stumble, we fall, but most of us do learn and continue to move forward.

·        Where does the harshness come from to our own selves when we make a mistake, fail yet again, let someone down unintentionally, or sinned in the same areas we want so desperately to be delivered from?

·        Ask yourself, is God that harsh with you? Does God condemn you when you fail or sin or does He forgive when you ask and says your sins are as far from the East to the West?

·        Do you see God as a hard task-master and judge that shows little or no mercy when you sin?

·        Are other people critical, negative or harsh with you and you internalize their beliefs about you as truth?

You may be like me; I want to do right but somehow, I seem to do the opposite of what I really want to do. The Apostle Paul understood this,” I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate…I can will what is right, but I cannot do it Romans 7:14-15. Paul knew there was nothing good in his flesh (v.18), yet he knew that he had the Holy Spirit within him that enabled him to fight against his sin (v.25). Is that not what all Christians are like? How many Christians do you know never sins, messes up, fails, or is overcome with their shortcomings? It’s not the absence of sin that makes you right with God; it’s knowing the One who was without sin and took all sins upon Himself.

Paul also goes on to say in Romans chapter 8, that there is NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus. The Holy Spirit knows our weaknesses, what your particular tendencies are, what tempts you most, and what provokes you-and He is sympathetic. He does not join your condemnation but intercedes for you and for your deliverance.

If you are not able to receive God’s grace for yourself, you will not be able to give others grace. Giving someone grace does not mean that you never speak the truth in love to those caught in the vice grip of sin.

Giving yourself grace does not mean you habitually sin without remorse and repentance, as well as exhibiting pride for your sin. Grace says that you are a flawed human being that desires to do right, but when you do mess up, you have a Savior ready to forgive you.

Rehearsing how much you failed or screwed up again will not stop you from sinning again. Partnering with the Holy Spirit by repenting of your part and asking God to help you overcome your sins will be much more beneficial to you.

Counselor's Corner: Whatever You Focus on Most Will Grow

I came to the realization this morning that over the last several months, I have been focused way too much on all the things wrong in my life. After a series of disappointments, let downs, and frustrating circumstances I began to see life through a “distorted filter.” My focus became on what was wrong in my life, and I had difficulty seeing the good from the most difficult of my circumstances.

I have always tried to see the good or positive in situations, but when I allowed myself to focus primarily on the negative, my entire outlook on life changed. Life became difficult and discouraging, which eventually lead to feeling hopeless that things would get better.

►Ways you can change your focus to the good, the lovely and what is praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8):

1.     Forgive yourself. If you have struggled with focusing on the wrong things, forgive yourself and change your perspective.

2.     Forgive others. Yes, people may have hurt you, used you, and rejected you but forgive, release and bless them.

3.     Take responsibility for how you feel. You are in control of your life. People and circumstances can affect you but ultimately you can exert self-control over allowing them to spiral into a negative focus. You cannot control people or circumstances, but you can choose how you will respond.

4.     Take every thought captive into the obedience of Jesus Christ. Become aware of your thoughts, and choose to replace the negative thoughts with truth.

5.     Retrain your thoughts to intentionally see the positives in yourself and in others. If you are constantly picking out the negative qualities in yourself and in others you will see yourself and others the way the enemy wants you to.

6.     Wherever you focus your attention and energy will become your reality. How do you want to shape your reality? The enemy will certainly help you to magnify the negatives in life.

While God guards our hearts (Philippians 4:7), we are also commanded to focus our lives on things that please God (Philippians 4:8). Focusing on the positive in any situation can increase your faith. This is not to say to ignore reality, but to truly believe that God does work out all things for good who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). When we focus on the negative it weakens our faith and increases stress, anxiety and fear in our lives.

Counselor's Corner: When You Need a Time-Out

Yesterday afternoon after I finished my work, I took a time-out from everything-emails, texts, calls, social media and I rested. For the last couple of days, I kept going despite not feeling well physically, and being emotionally and spiritually drained. My sleep had also been restless the past few nights, and I was waking up groggy, tired and irritable.

The first part of my week I was battling intrusive, demonic thoughts and I could not get a handle on those thoughts because of the sheer exhaustion I was having. I know enough to understand allowing evil thoughts to run through my mind unchecked will bring me to dark places I never want to go.

In my quiet time with God yesterday, I asked if He would increase my time and energy so that I could complete my work and still have time to rest that afternoon. I knew I had a full day ahead if I completed all that was on my priority list, but I believe God heard my anguish that I needed relief. I not only completed my work in record time, but was able to take the afternoon to rest.

Initially I felt guilty about taking a time-out, I played over in my head, “I should be, could be or need to be doing this or that.” I sensed a gentle nudge from the Holy Spirit that He had given me this time to take to replenish my body, mind and spirit.

While I rested, I listened and watched programs that fed and nurtured my spirit. I took a nap, and unplugged from anything that could have distracted me from resting.

I realized as I was feeling weak physically, mentally and spiritually the enemy was trying to use this as an opportune time to gain an entry way into my life. When I am tired and don’t feel well, I can get irritable, and frustrated easily. I also have a harder time controlling my thoughts.

When I woke-up this morning I felt rested, had more energy, felt physically better and was ready to get back into the “fight.” I was so worn-out before taking this time of rest that I was “hearing static” or confusing thoughts instead of the Holy Spirit.

Beloved, in Christ, these times we live in are most difficult. The warfare is real and the battles we face can be intense and draining. Don’t let the enemy take you out because you are too tired and overwhelmed, ask God to help you carve in some time to rest. Use that time wisely, don’t spend it watching or listening to things that will encourage you to live a compromising lifestyle. During your time of rest, truly rest, give yourself permission to detach from all your electronic devices.

YouTube- When You Need a Time-Out

https://youtu.be/OA9R_uOUvWI

Counselor's Corner: When You Feel Like Giving-Up

I woke-up yesterday feeling like I could not go another step, worn-out from the continuous battles and from the seemingly unrelentless attacks of the enemy. I wanted to pull the covers over my head, and snuggle safely back into my bed where I would not have to face the day. My mind felt like it had been hijacked, as I was having troublesome thoughts like, “I shouldn’t bother to pray anymore and I just want to give-up, life is too hard and I am tired of it.” I know enough about how the enemy operates to know I was being attacked in my thoughts, but I was too exhausted physically, mentally and spiritually to recognize this at first. The enemy hopes we will take the “bait” and agree with his lies so we can spiral out of control. I allowed myself two days of self-pity, and not really putting up much of a fight to take my thoughts captive, but then I realized I was starting to feel depressed. I have been depressed before and I know for me it starts with my thoughts. I had a choice to make, give-up or fight. I have given-up before and I can tell you the depression lasted for years. I was not willing to go back; I had been down that dark road and it took years for me to want to live again. So, I am choosing to fight, not because I feel like it, but because I know that eventually the warfare will end as the enemy sees his schemes are not working.

The enemy looks for opportune times to try and come back into your life in ways that he was allowed into your life before.

1.     The first thing to do when you feel like giving-up is to recognize the source-the enemy. The enemy will pull out all your weaknesses, past mistakes, your failures, your past sins, and even use those that you love to destroy what God has been cultivating in your life.

2.     Begin fighting even if you don’t feel like it. Get up, you probably won’t want to, do it anyways, and begin your morning by praying, reading the Word of God, worshipping, and writing or saying out loud your blessings. Turn the focus to Jesus every morning. Don’t grab your phone, check your emails or respond to any texts first thing in the morning-spend time with God first, then precede to checking your electronic devices.

3.     Recognize why you may be under attack, are you gaining territory for the Kingdom of God, making any kind of spiritual progress, and/or working towards advancing the Kingdom of God? The enemy attacks anytime you are trying to advance. You will encounter opposition and resistance. The enemy hates your spiritual growth and progress, and will attempt to destroy your times of progression-this is a scheme to get you to stop, go back, and remain in bondage.

4.     Get alone with God and ask God for wisdom, does He want you to fight or be still and allow Him to fight your battles. There are some battles we are trained to fight for and there are some battles that are too strong for us to fight, you will need wisdom of the Holy Spirit to know how you should precede.

5.     As warfare increases in your thoughts, you have to discipline yourself to take every thought captive into the obedience of Jesus Christ. You will not feel like doing, but remind yourself we are to pull down every high and lofty thing that exalts itself against the Kingdom of God. We are to pull down theories, reasonings, and vain imaginations that wage war in our minds. If you are having thoughts you know God would not speak to you or you would not find in the Word of God, reject those thoughts and immediately and replace those thoughts with the truth.

*If you need additional help with disciplining your mind, you can check out my book, “Discipliningyour mind 30 days to a better you,” as a resource to help you take your
thoughts captive and replace with truth. 

Remember, stay in the fight even if you don’t feel like it, surely God will bring you relief as you call upon His name. Don’t give up, it’s just an attack because you are doing something right. Stand your ground and don’t give up and if you feel like you just are not able to, reach out and ask for prayer. You are not alone.

Counselor's Corner: There is a Season for Everything

With the recent arrival of the Spring season the dead and lifeless trees, flowers and bushes are bursting forth with life again. My yard is alive with new growth, vibrant colors, and spectacular displays of God’s beauty. However, in the Winter season my yard is dull, barren and virtually lifeless. I always look forward to Spring each year after the cold, barren, and at times unbearable winters we can get.

There are parallels between the physical seasons and the spiritual seasons in our lives. Each season in our lives can be a time of reflection, learning, waiting, pruning, preparing, and planning.

Over the last several years of my life it has seemed as if I were in a long, barren “winter season,” there was not a lot of growth, and many of my circumstances were dark and difficult to navigate through. It was a dark and “lifeless” season, but I kept pruning areas in my life that God was showing me needed to be cut off, I kept waiting and expecting the “spring” season would come at any time, and I kept learning the ways of God. I did a lot of preparation during my winter season, with little or no indication things would get any better; I was learning to trust God by walking by faith not by sight. Many things appeared dormant or barren in my life-not able to come to life again. As I am writing this article, I am reminded that we are in the Spring season, there are baby birds chirping away and new blooms are sprouting on my jasmine tree. How beautiful a reminder as we are celebrating holy week. How it must have appeared that Friday when Jesus was crucified and buried, with no signs of life-dark, dead, and lifeless. But, on that glorious third day, Jesus Christ was resurrected from the grave. Death, the grave and hell lost its powers that day.

I want all of us to reflect on this season we are in, it’s not about Easter bunnies, Easter egg hunts, or even family gatherings but about the Resurrected King that triumphed over death bringing eternal life to us all through the shedding of His blood.

Whatever “season” you are in in your life, know that Christ specializes in the impossible and bringing dead things back to life. He is the Great I Am and has conquered death and the grave, and He lives. Whatever you are experiencing in your time of life is nothing compared to what God has prepared for those who call on Him by name and believe He is the Son of God.

May the Lord shine His goodness, His grace, and His overpowering love to you this holy week. For He has risen and death has lost its sting. Death does not have the final say.

Counselor's Corner: Letting Go of What Could Have Been

I have always desired to have supportive and healthy relationships with the women in my family, but over and over I have been disappointed by their lack of nurturance and availability to be there when I really need them. Even though I am the youngest in the family, I have taken on more of a parental role through guidance, financial support at times, and emotional support. I don’t know if these significant relationships will change so I can finally get what I think I am missing in my life, but what I do know is that I have to let go of all the what could have been scenarios I anguish over. Sure, I pray and I always will have hope that the women in my family will someday be who I need them to be, but in the meantime, I must let go of all the regrets and disappointments I have in these relationships.

You may not be experiencing any relationships that you need to let go of, perhaps you need to let go of an unfulfilled dream, or that you missed out on many years with your prodigal child. As a mother of a prodigal child for many years, sometimes I go down the road of what could have been. I believe we all can go down that dark road of what could have been, but I tend to find if I park there, disappointment is soon followed by depression.

What I have finally realized is that in all the relationships and other parts of my life that I have had difficulty letting go of, was because I never grieved over the what could have been. I held onto these relationships and my unfulfilled dreams because I could not face the reality of them, it would hurt to much, but keeping them tucked deep in my heart where no one could see the hurt only intensified my pain.

Facing the reality of the situation is key to your healing. For many years, I did not face the reality of my circumstances and relationships because to do so would mean I had to face the truth about them and that is painful. This is not to say you don’t hope for better, but you don’t allow things you have no control over to keep you stuck.

Acceptance is another key to letting go of what could have been. Acceptance does not mean you just move on, but you do the healing work to cleanse your heart of pain caused by relationships or other issues from your life. Acceptance says, “I can’t change them but I can change me, or I can’t change my circumstances but I can change the way I view my circumstances.”

Another key to healing from letting go of what could have been is to properly grieve. Give yourself time to work through the stages of grief: denial, bargaining, depression, anger, and acceptance. You may not go through the stages of grief in any particular order and very possibly could experience several stages all at once. Many people never get to the place of doing the grief work because it is uncomfortable and involves a lot of work. The good news is if you invest in grief work, you will properly heal and be able to move forward in the new season in your life instead of staying stuck in grief. Grief can be masked through bouts of anger, irritablility, sarcasm, and negativity. Any major loss can be a source of grief.

Lastly, in healing from letting go of what could have been after you have faced the realty of your situation, accepted your situation and then properly done the grief work, you will need to retrain your thoughts from dwelling or ruminating on the what could have been. This will take discipline.

Letting go of the what could have been in life is not easy, it takes a conscious decision to face the truth and accept the reality of your life. Experts have found that when emotional pain prevents you from healing from a situation, it’s a sign that we are not moving forward, take the necessary steps and begin to heal so you can move forward.