Counselor's Corner: Focus on What You Are Doing Right

Are the thoughts about yourself centered on what you are doing right more or on what you are doing wrong more? Do you tend to focus on your failures instead of any progress that you have made?

→Choose to magnify your progress not failures. Choose to magnify your strengths not your weaknesses.

Focus can be defined as what you concentrate on the most or the center of your attention.

We all have faults, weaknesses, and have made mistakes. The problem is when the enemy places a magnifying glass over each one of your weaknesses, and your focus becomes distorted and all you can see are the negative aspects about yourself.

Focusing on your deficits can cause discouragement, defeat, and depression.

Focusing too long on what is wrong with you can cause you to shrink back and not go forward, and this is exactly where the enemy wants you-stuck in the past and living in defeat of your past mistakes.

If God has forgiven your sins, He does not keep reminding you of your failures.

The enemy will attempt to get you to focus on all that is wrong with yourself. There are some key things to watch for and to recognize when the enemy has your focus distorted on the negative areas in your life.

1.      Your focus will turn to your circumstances more than to Jesus, and your circumstances will appear larger than they really are. When your focus shifts to all the distractions, chaos, and upheaval around you it is easy to feel anxious, uneasy, irritable, worried, and fearful.

2.      Confusion instead of clarity. You can doubt yourself, your strengths and your abilities because the enemy has you focused on what you have done wrong.

3.      Past hurts and insecurities are magnified. What you thought you dealt with in the past gets rehashed. This rehashing is an attempt to weaken you and to cause you to doubt what God is doing in your life. The past is used to hinder you as you attempt to move forward and enter a new season in your life. The enemy will try and derail progress and growth.

This week CHOOSE to focus on your strengths, your victories, and your good qualities. Write out what God shows you about yourself and CHOOSE to believe Him. CHOOSE to completely forgive yourself of any past mistakes and CHOOSE to love and nurture yourself. Be good to yourself. Don’t let the enemy erect lies in your mind about yourself, he is the accuser of the brethren.

Word of Encouragement Devotional: When You Feel Pressure

→Pressure means to squeeze out or to apply a weight on something.

There is good pressure and there is bad pressure. Good pressure causes you to move, change, or to grow for the better, such as the pressure you feel when you are in college. Bad pressure usually comes straight from the kingdom of darkness, and causes you to feel like you are going to snap, such as when you are dealing with the burdens of others because they don’t carry their own weight.

→Pressure that comes from the enemy will wear you down until you break or give into sin.

Signs that the pressure you are experiencing is from the enemy:

1)      You are not sleeping well, and perhaps having nightmares.

2)      You do not feel at peace, maybe restless even.

3)      Headaches that are unusual and/or fatigue, or feeling unwell.

4)      You have “brain fog” and cannot concentrate or stay focused.

5)      Feeling “off” but can’t put your finger on why.

·         If most of the above symptoms occur with added outside annoyances, distractions, and concerning situations that arise then you can rest assured you are experiencing pressure from the enemy to lose your peace, your joy, and eventually snap.

→Reflect:

If you have had one of those days or weeks where you have endured most the above signs and you do lose your cool, don’t condemn yourself but step back and be still with God. Don’t beat yourself up, be aware of the pressure that has tried to get you to break. Forgive yourself and if you did sin ask God to forgive you and He will.

When you feel the kind of pressure that causes you to be on edge, stressed, not able to focus, irritable, annoyed, and frustrated go to the Lord immediately and ask for His protection and deliverance from the pressure tactics the enemy is using to wear you down. The enemy can also use people to cause you to feel pressure as the enemy hopes you will wear down and give into what the enemy wants. This kind of pressure never comes from God. When God leads you to something He will do so gently, you will have peace, and you will not be annoyed or irritated.

→Meditate:

Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free. The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? Psalm 118:5-6, ESV

Review: Final 42

Final 42 by Christy Decker
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Grab your tissue! This book will draw you in from the first chapter!

This novel resonates deep within me, as my father was a police office for 38 years. Each character in Final 42 is so well-developed that you ride the emotions of what it is like to not only be a police officer, but what it is like to be a family member of a police officer. Author Christy Decker writes with such raw and gritty emotion that you feel the pull and tug of what it is like to experience Bravo 400’s day-to-day lives as police officers. What sacrifices police officers make every day, and some do face the ultimate sacrifice of losing their lives.

View all my reviews

Review: Final 42

Final 42 by Christy Decker
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Grab your tissue! This book will draw you in from the first chapter!

This novel resonates deep within me, as my father was a police office for 38 years. Each character in Final 42 is so well-developed that you ride the emotions of what it is like to not only be a police officer, but what it is like to be a family member of a police officer. Author Christy Decker writes with such raw and gritty emotion that you feel the pull and tug of what it is like to experience Bravo 400’s day-to-day lives as police officers. What sacrifices police officers make every day, and some do face the ultimate sacrifice of losing their lives.


View all my reviews

Counselor's Corner: Having Enough Determination to Succeed and Overcome in Life

Do you know what kind of determination it takes to succeed and be an overcomer in life?

►First, let’s define what determination is: the act of deciding definitely and firmly; firm or fixed intention to achieve a desired end.

►Second, what does it mean to be an overcomer? One who succeeds in dealing with or gaining control of some problem or difficulty.

To have the kind of determination to succeed in life and be an overcomer one must decide to firmly fix their attention on their desired goals in life, and rise above challenges that may hinder complete victory.

Having determination means:

·         Staying focused on your goals

·         Delaying gratification like rewarding yourself after not before you achieve a desired outcome

·         Facing fears and overcoming them

·         Learning from mistakes made in the past and not repeating them

·         Are able to ignore the things you have no control over

·         Never whining or complaining about problems

·         Eliminate negative thinking

·         Continuing to move forward in spite of opposition and challenges

·         Not making excuses and blaming others for your situation

Having determination will help you succeed in life and will move you towards becoming an overcomer with life’s challenges. A person of determination never gives up, goes back, or quits. An overcomer has gained victory over areas in their lives that could have the potential to derail, hinder and even prevent success. Overcomers have mastered their fleshly appetites such as addiction, greed and sexual immorality, and have learned how to conqueror the enemy. To be successful not just in worldly pursuits but for the Kingdom of Christ you will need to be determined and an overcomer. Overcomers have endured the affliction of the “furnace” and come forth as “pure gold.”

Counselor's Corner: How To Get Out of The Pit

What are your thoughts towards yourself? Do you tend to focus on your faults, mistakes and weaknesses more than your strengths? If you make a mistake do you belittle yourself and call yourself destructive names? Are you concerned about others perceptions about you? Are you trying to get other people out of their “pit” while you are still in your “pit?”

Focusing on your weaknesses will cause you to stay in the pit. This pit is dug by your enemy the devil to keep you down with the hopes you will never climb out.

Not everyone stays in the pit, some get out quickly because they know who they belong to-Jesus Christ, and some get stuck in the pit because they believed all the lies that the enemy whispered in their ears and received the lies as TRUTH!

For the ones who got stuck in the pit BUT starting crawling out inch by inch they have learned about battle. When they come out of the miry, dark pit, they will come out with some dirt and some scars from the climb up but will be a fierce warrior for the Kingdom of God. When you have been in the pit and you find out how to get out, you never want to go back. When you have been covered in darkness you crave the light!

Once you get stuck in the pit, it can take years to get out because as you’re in the pit the enemy begins to strip you of all you know to be true about God and His goodness. In the pit the enemy shovels by the truckload all the mistakes, regrets and past failures you have endured. You begin believing in the pit that God’s blessings are for others, and that you are being punished for receiving the very things your enemies are getting.

For some in the pit they begin to wallow in self-pity and learn to become a victim. Others try and reach down to get them out of the pit and they themselves fall into the pit. If someone is in the pit and they are surrounded by self-pity, blaming, and being a victim-you can’t pull them out of the pit; only Jesus Christ can reach down that dark pit and get them out!

If you have gotten out of the pit, be careful of others who want to pull you in the pit with them.

If you are around someone who confesses Jesus Christ as their Savior but they also confess the “woe is me story,” pray that God will get them out of their pit of destruction but you keep moving forward away from the pit.

If you are in the pit and want out know that there will be some warfare in the beginning. This is because the enemy enjoyed oppressing you and kept you bound from living the abundant life, but when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired-you learn to fight and disarm the enemy at every step. You will need to get up every day suited up as a warrior, and not back down until all of your enemies are under your feet. Decree and declare every day that you have the victory in Jesus Christ and that you will not only get out of the pit but you are staying out for good. Your focus must begin to change from all that is wrong with yourself, others, and your circumstances.

Out of the pit thinking focuses on what is good about yourself and your circumstances. Getting out of the pit and staying out will require that you know who you belong to and your authority in Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ has given believers the authority to trample upon snakes and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy-USE THIS AUTHORITY! You will need to become aware of hidden pits that are secretly laid out by the enemy with the hopes you will stumble in the pit again. Hidden pits cannot always be seen coming, so you will need to know what the enemy has used in the past to throw you in the pit, and when you sense these similar things are coming your way-resist immediately and turn the opposite way.

If you want to stay out of the pit you cannot go after others in the pit, nor try and rescue them from their pit. You want to keep your heart and spirit guarded from anyone who is saying, “Help me, help me,” yet not doing much to get themselves out of their pit. Of course, we should help those who cannot help themselves but this is not what I am referring to here. I am referring to people who have gotten comfortable in their pit, been there for years and want you to get them out while they continue to do things that are destructive.

The bottom line is you can get someone out of their pit, but if they continue doing what they are doing, they will go back to their pit. Each time we go back to the pit, it will get harder to get out. That is why you see many people repeating destructive cycles in their lives and never overcoming them.

Are you ready to stay out the pit and never go back? Staying out the pit does not mean you will never have to face a challenge but it does mean you are believing the truth about God’s blessings and goodness towards you, and you no longer condemn and beat yourself up for your failures, weaknesses and faults. You see yourself now as a daughter or son of the living King. You can give yourself permission not to be perfect, and you can now enjoy yourself. Victorious overcomer is embedded into your spirit.

Counselor's Corner: Enjoying LIfe Again After Trauma

If you have endured any type of trauma, learning to enjoy life again will part of your healing journey. For many people who have lived through traumatic experiences whether one time or recurrent trauma’s, the brain and body goes into a protective mode by shielding itself from any further danger.

This protective mode is only supposed to last until you can cope with the initial shock of the trauma. I am sure you have heard of people who are described as going into “shock” when someone they love passes away. After the initial shock wear’s off, most people begin the healing process, but for some the trauma is too difficult for them to process and they remain stuck in the time that the trauma. Repressing trauma is seen frequently in people who have a history of past trauma’s such as childhood abuse. Other ways one does not deal with the trauma they experienced is through drug addiction (whether street or prescription), high amounts of alcohol, and any other escapism such as pornography.

Uncovering the pain around the trauma, and allowing yourself to truly feel the pain is a stepping stone towards healing, and eventually enjoying your life. (If at any time the pain associated with your trauma becomes unbearable or unmanageable seeking professional help will be necessary or if you are abusing drugs and/or alcohol to not feel pain you will need to seek assistance).

Allowing God into your pain is one of the most important steps to take towards your healing. Sharing with God how you felt at the time of the trauma and how you are coping now as a result. Ask Jesus to begin to heal your painful memories around the trauma. Start praying that God would close any “open doors” in your life that gave the enemy access to your emotions and soul, such as unforgiveness, bitterness, and anger. Replace all the lies that you have believed about God because of the trauma. There is a strong possibility that you are angry with God and your faith has faltered.

If you have not dealt with your trauma but are ready to begin, take it slow and be gentle with yourself. Don’t condemn or judge yourself for allowing yourself too get so far off track, and don’t compare where other people are at in their walk with God. The enemy will condemn you if you begin to look at other’s and how they overcome their obstacles so quickly and you did not. If you have not “walked in someone else’s shoe’s,” you cannot determine why their healing journey is taking longer unless you can peal back their hearts and minds and see everything they have been through.

You will enjoy life again! As long as every day you are making progress towards your healing, and not staying stuck you will enjoy your life again!

→Side note: Trauma can cause chemical changes in your brain responsible for mood regulation. The good news is we do have the ability to increase these feel good neurotransmitters naturally through exercising, eating a well-balanced diet, getting at least 7-9 hours of sleep, renewing the mind daily by rewiring our faulty beliefs through the Word of God and positive affirmations, and seeing a nutritionist who can advise you on natural supplements. The natural way to build feel good neurotransmitters does not happen overnight, you will need to be aware that it will take time and if you are not able to handle life because of depression and/or anxiety talking to your medical doctor would be advised for prescription medication. Many of the prescription medications can make you feel emotionally numb or have unwanted side effects, but they can help if you have major depression or debilitating anxiety.

►Resource to help with negativity, depression, worry and anxiety: “Disciplining your mind 30 days to a better you!”

After recovering from your trauma, you will be more able to experience enjoying life again.

Recovery from trauma takes time.

Take it day by day, and as long as you are not going backwards you are healing. Initially you may not feel like enjoying the things that you use to, start enjoying the small things first.

Learn to enjoy the small things…How?

Sit outside and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea, watch birds, take a stroll outside and observe the beauty of nature, plan a lunch date with a friend, watch a movie and eat popcorn, take a bike ride, plant some flowers, or have a picnic.

What else could you do that is enjoyable?

Do something small every day that you would enjoy and overtime you will begin to explore even more enjoyable things. Don’t push yourself to enjoy what everyone else does. Your enjoyment right now will seem very simple, but sometimes it is the simple things in life that are the most enjoyable. You may not be in a place right now where you can fully enjoy all that life has to offer, but remember to be gentle with yourself as you are working through your healing.

Counselor's Corner: What's Blocking Your View of God's Goodness?

Are you able to see clearly the goodness of God in your life, or do you instead see what’s wrong?

My husband recently planted some really nice trees in my backyard alongside my fence to the left of my office. I have a large window in my office that I can see straight out into my backyard to view these newly planted trees, but I can’t really see the trees. I should be able to see the trees but right in front of these trees is a large pile of stacked wood and trash from a project that we did in the Fall. If I look closely I can see the tops of the trees, but I catch myself instead staring at the large trash pile blocking my way of the beautiful trees. My focus is not on the beautiful trees but on the stack of trash.

There is so much of God’s goodness all around us, but sometimes our views of His goodness gets blocked. How does this happen?

·         The enemy magnifies and distorts what is around us to make our problems seem larger or more threatening than they really are, hence our focus becomes on the amplification of the situation.

·         We become tuned-in to the frequency of what the enemy is trying to speak and confirm to us about our situations. The enemy is a master illusionist, if he can make you think and believe your situation is out of control by using props, people, and places you can easily begin to agree with the illusion.

·         Once our focus in turned towards the exaggerated problems, we no longer can view the goodness around us. At this point all we can hear and see is what the enemy is doing, hence God’s goodness gets blocked.

The enemy is not only a master illusionist at creating problems that seem to demand our attention but is relentless with the numerous attempts to get our focus and cause preoccupation with the issues. When these types of attacks come your way, you will need to be intentional in focusing on what is right. CHOOSE to write down at least (5) things that you are grateful for every day and CHOOSE to speak what your blessings are out loud every day. Turn your attention immediately from problems, distractions, and situations that seem persistent, frequent, and larger than you can handle. Go somewhere quiet and pray, breathe, and ask God to intervene. Then REFOCUS on what is good.

If you find yourself getting upset easily, agitated, aggravated, irritated or distracted when think about or are around certain situations, it is an indicator your focus is on the problem!  

Today, as challenging and unrelenting your circumstances may be, CHOOSE to focus on the good, your blessings, and turn your attention immediately from whatever is causing you to focus your attention on the problem.

Word of Encouragement Devotional: Being Good at One Thing or Being Mediocre at Many Things

How many roles do you have? Wife, mother, group leader, employee, etc. How many of the roles do you perform partially because there is not enough of you to go around? How many of the roles that you have you actually need to have, and how many you take on because of what others may expect of you?

Christians are no exception to carrying too many roles, in fact many are overloaded with various duties and responsibilities that are not allowing them to be great at one thing. If you are serving everywhere you will get burned-out! Christians don’t like to talk about burn-out, but it is real and I am concerned it is happening too frequently behind the guise of “serving like Jesus.” Jesus never overloaded his plate, and always made time for God.

In a small group I was in previously a question was asked what we did and who we were. Several of the women answered they were involved in leading or attending several small groups, not just one but multiple areas of serving. The last lady to answer the question said, “I feel bad, I don’t do what you all do, I’m just a stay at home mom.” I spoke up immediately and said that was great that she chooses to be great at the one thing God was calling her to do, and not running around all over the place while her children were neglected.

Reflect:

Why do we feel we need to have so many roles going on at the same time? Insecurity, people-pleasing, wanting approval from others, or want the recognition?

I got together with a good friend of mine and took some time catching up with what was going on in each other’s lives. After hearing all the roles my friend was trying to juggle at the same time, I was exhausted! My friend is in ministry full-time, volunteers in the nursery at church, is a leader of a small group, attends a small group, caregiver to a parent, and grandmother to several grandchildren. However, her overloaded schedule is not uncommon, many people choose to “burn the candle at both ends.”

I asked my friend two important questions, one, “When do you spend time with the Lord and get still before Him?” and second, “When do you rest?” There was a blank stare on her face as if I spoke something foreign.

If you don’t have time to spend with God and you don’t have time to rest-You are too busy! Do what God has called you to do and do it well by not being spilt between multiple roles.  

Counselor's Corner: Needing Quick Fixes and Instant Results

Are you like me, a little inpatient when you have to wait for things, like waiting in a grocery line at the store knowing you got better things to do, right? Patience is part of the fruit of the Holy Spirit so why do I seem to not have a lot of it?

When I pray, I expect immediate results and quick fixes to my problems. Patience is usually developed through the trials and challenges of life. I have prayed for patience but I wanted God to just give it to me! What I am finding through my own life, is that God develops patience through the tough times. There is usually not a quick fix or an immediate result to our problems.

We live in a culture that wants everything instant, whether it’s our food quickly available through a microwave or pictures we take on our phones that can be immediately downloaded. Whatever happened to the good ol’ days where you took pictures on a camera, and then took the film to a photo lab and waited for at least a week to get those pictures back? Sometimes if we are not careful we can begin to act like the world around us demanding, “I don’t want to have to wait, I want it now!” When I was growing up many years ago, people worked hard and waited to take vacations after they saved enough money to go. Now, people take vacations whenever they want because they just charge it all on their credit card. I am not implying that credit cards are bad, just using an example of our culture wanting instant gratification.

When a farmer sow’s seeds in the ground, he has to wait patiently for that crop to produce a harvest. Now if that farmer prematurely goes out and digs up his newly planted seeds, he will most likely have seeds still. The farmer must not want instant results when he plants.

►Reflection questions:

1)      What in your life do you want instant results or a quick fix to your situation?

2)      Have you grown tired of praying for the same things and seeing no results?

3)      Do you get frustrated when things are not quick fixes for you, or that God does not answer your prayers sooner?

4)      Would you define yourself as an impatient person?

→Now that you have answered the above questions, reflect on the definition of patience and see how it applies or not applies to you:

Patience:

·         The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

·         The quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.

·         The ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.

·         Quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care.

Patience comes easier to us when things are going our way, but when our rights are violated our patience is put to the test. Patience reveals our faith in God’s timing in the face of injustices and irritations. Our patience is developed and strengthened by resting in God’s will and timing, even when evil men appear to succeed in their ways.

#GotPatience?

Impatience leads to stress, tension, anger and frustration.

Counselor's Corner: Traits of a Trailblazer

Have you ever wondered why you have trouble fitting into groups, a particular class of people, or have trouble conforming what everyone else is doing?

Have you thought, “What’s wrong with me that I cannot just go along with the status quo?

If the above statements describe you, take heart-you might be a trailblazer!

→How do you know you’re a trailblazer, here are some traits to look for:

·         Stand-out among others

·         Don’t follow crowds

·         Inspire others

·         Conqueror new territories

·         Lead by example

·         Know how to overcome obstacles

·         Take risks

·         Know your vision and are unwavering about it when doubters and naysayers come

·         Follow the leading of the Holy Spirit not man

·         Not concerned if people approve you, but if God does

·         Paves a path that others can follow

Dictionary.com defines trailblazer as a person who blazes a trail for others to follow through unsettled country or wilderness. If you have gone though trials, been in a “pit,” or in the “wilderness,” and you have overcome those challenges; God can use you as a trailblazer to lead others through their wilderness.

What about you, did you discover you are a trailblazer?