Counselor's Corner: Having Enough Determination to Succeed and Overcome in Life

Do you know what kind of determination it takes to succeed and be an overcomer in life?

►First, let’s define what determination is: the act of deciding definitely and firmly; firm or fixed intention to achieve a desired end.

►Second, what does it mean to be an overcomer? One who succeeds in dealing with or gaining control of some problem or difficulty.

To have the kind of determination to succeed in life and be an overcomer one must decide to firmly fix their attention on their desired goals in life, and rise above challenges that may hinder complete victory.

Having determination means:

·         Staying focused on your goals

·         Delaying gratification like rewarding yourself after not before you achieve a desired outcome

·         Facing fears and overcoming them

·         Learning from mistakes made in the past and not repeating them

·         Are able to ignore the things you have no control over

·         Never whining or complaining about problems

·         Eliminate negative thinking

·         Continuing to move forward in spite of opposition and challenges

·         Not making excuses and blaming others for your situation

Having determination will help you succeed in life and will move you towards becoming an overcomer with life’s challenges. A person of determination never gives up, goes back, or quits. An overcomer has gained victory over areas in their lives that could have the potential to derail, hinder and even prevent success. Overcomers have mastered their fleshly appetites such as addiction, greed and sexual immorality, and have learned how to conqueror the enemy. To be successful not just in worldly pursuits but for the Kingdom of Christ you will need to be determined and an overcomer. Overcomers have endured the affliction of the “furnace” and come forth as “pure gold.”

Counselor's Corner: How To Get Out of The Pit

What are your thoughts towards yourself? Do you tend to focus on your faults, mistakes and weaknesses more than your strengths? If you make a mistake do you belittle yourself and call yourself destructive names? Are you concerned about others perceptions about you? Are you trying to get other people out of their “pit” while you are still in your “pit?”

Focusing on your weaknesses will cause you to stay in the pit. This pit is dug by your enemy the devil to keep you down with the hopes you will never climb out.

Not everyone stays in the pit, some get out quickly because they know who they belong to-Jesus Christ, and some get stuck in the pit because they believed all the lies that the enemy whispered in their ears and received the lies as TRUTH!

For the ones who got stuck in the pit BUT starting crawling out inch by inch they have learned about battle. When they come out of the miry, dark pit, they will come out with some dirt and some scars from the climb up but will be a fierce warrior for the Kingdom of God. When you have been in the pit and you find out how to get out, you never want to go back. When you have been covered in darkness you crave the light!

Once you get stuck in the pit, it can take years to get out because as you’re in the pit the enemy begins to strip you of all you know to be true about God and His goodness. In the pit the enemy shovels by the truckload all the mistakes, regrets and past failures you have endured. You begin believing in the pit that God’s blessings are for others, and that you are being punished for receiving the very things your enemies are getting.

For some in the pit they begin to wallow in self-pity and learn to become a victim. Others try and reach down to get them out of the pit and they themselves fall into the pit. If someone is in the pit and they are surrounded by self-pity, blaming, and being a victim-you can’t pull them out of the pit; only Jesus Christ can reach down that dark pit and get them out!

If you have gotten out of the pit, be careful of others who want to pull you in the pit with them.

If you are around someone who confesses Jesus Christ as their Savior but they also confess the “woe is me story,” pray that God will get them out of their pit of destruction but you keep moving forward away from the pit.

If you are in the pit and want out know that there will be some warfare in the beginning. This is because the enemy enjoyed oppressing you and kept you bound from living the abundant life, but when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired-you learn to fight and disarm the enemy at every step. You will need to get up every day suited up as a warrior, and not back down until all of your enemies are under your feet. Decree and declare every day that you have the victory in Jesus Christ and that you will not only get out of the pit but you are staying out for good. Your focus must begin to change from all that is wrong with yourself, others, and your circumstances.

Out of the pit thinking focuses on what is good about yourself and your circumstances. Getting out of the pit and staying out will require that you know who you belong to and your authority in Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ has given believers the authority to trample upon snakes and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy-USE THIS AUTHORITY! You will need to become aware of hidden pits that are secretly laid out by the enemy with the hopes you will stumble in the pit again. Hidden pits cannot always be seen coming, so you will need to know what the enemy has used in the past to throw you in the pit, and when you sense these similar things are coming your way-resist immediately and turn the opposite way.

If you want to stay out of the pit you cannot go after others in the pit, nor try and rescue them from their pit. You want to keep your heart and spirit guarded from anyone who is saying, “Help me, help me,” yet not doing much to get themselves out of their pit. Of course, we should help those who cannot help themselves but this is not what I am referring to here. I am referring to people who have gotten comfortable in their pit, been there for years and want you to get them out while they continue to do things that are destructive.

The bottom line is you can get someone out of their pit, but if they continue doing what they are doing, they will go back to their pit. Each time we go back to the pit, it will get harder to get out. That is why you see many people repeating destructive cycles in their lives and never overcoming them.

Are you ready to stay out the pit and never go back? Staying out the pit does not mean you will never have to face a challenge but it does mean you are believing the truth about God’s blessings and goodness towards you, and you no longer condemn and beat yourself up for your failures, weaknesses and faults. You see yourself now as a daughter or son of the living King. You can give yourself permission not to be perfect, and you can now enjoy yourself. Victorious overcomer is embedded into your spirit.

Counselor's Corner: Enjoying LIfe Again After Trauma

If you have endured any type of trauma, learning to enjoy life again will part of your healing journey. For many people who have lived through traumatic experiences whether one time or recurrent trauma’s, the brain and body goes into a protective mode by shielding itself from any further danger.

This protective mode is only supposed to last until you can cope with the initial shock of the trauma. I am sure you have heard of people who are described as going into “shock” when someone they love passes away. After the initial shock wear’s off, most people begin the healing process, but for some the trauma is too difficult for them to process and they remain stuck in the time that the trauma. Repressing trauma is seen frequently in people who have a history of past trauma’s such as childhood abuse. Other ways one does not deal with the trauma they experienced is through drug addiction (whether street or prescription), high amounts of alcohol, and any other escapism such as pornography.

Uncovering the pain around the trauma, and allowing yourself to truly feel the pain is a stepping stone towards healing, and eventually enjoying your life. (If at any time the pain associated with your trauma becomes unbearable or unmanageable seeking professional help will be necessary or if you are abusing drugs and/or alcohol to not feel pain you will need to seek assistance).

Allowing God into your pain is one of the most important steps to take towards your healing. Sharing with God how you felt at the time of the trauma and how you are coping now as a result. Ask Jesus to begin to heal your painful memories around the trauma. Start praying that God would close any “open doors” in your life that gave the enemy access to your emotions and soul, such as unforgiveness, bitterness, and anger. Replace all the lies that you have believed about God because of the trauma. There is a strong possibility that you are angry with God and your faith has faltered.

If you have not dealt with your trauma but are ready to begin, take it slow and be gentle with yourself. Don’t condemn or judge yourself for allowing yourself too get so far off track, and don’t compare where other people are at in their walk with God. The enemy will condemn you if you begin to look at other’s and how they overcome their obstacles so quickly and you did not. If you have not “walked in someone else’s shoe’s,” you cannot determine why their healing journey is taking longer unless you can peal back their hearts and minds and see everything they have been through.

You will enjoy life again! As long as every day you are making progress towards your healing, and not staying stuck you will enjoy your life again!

→Side note: Trauma can cause chemical changes in your brain responsible for mood regulation. The good news is we do have the ability to increase these feel good neurotransmitters naturally through exercising, eating a well-balanced diet, getting at least 7-9 hours of sleep, renewing the mind daily by rewiring our faulty beliefs through the Word of God and positive affirmations, and seeing a nutritionist who can advise you on natural supplements. The natural way to build feel good neurotransmitters does not happen overnight, you will need to be aware that it will take time and if you are not able to handle life because of depression and/or anxiety talking to your medical doctor would be advised for prescription medication. Many of the prescription medications can make you feel emotionally numb or have unwanted side effects, but they can help if you have major depression or debilitating anxiety.

►Resource to help with negativity, depression, worry and anxiety: “Disciplining your mind 30 days to a better you!”

After recovering from your trauma, you will be more able to experience enjoying life again.

Recovery from trauma takes time.

Take it day by day, and as long as you are not going backwards you are healing. Initially you may not feel like enjoying the things that you use to, start enjoying the small things first.

Learn to enjoy the small things…How?

Sit outside and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea, watch birds, take a stroll outside and observe the beauty of nature, plan a lunch date with a friend, watch a movie and eat popcorn, take a bike ride, plant some flowers, or have a picnic.

What else could you do that is enjoyable?

Do something small every day that you would enjoy and overtime you will begin to explore even more enjoyable things. Don’t push yourself to enjoy what everyone else does. Your enjoyment right now will seem very simple, but sometimes it is the simple things in life that are the most enjoyable. You may not be in a place right now where you can fully enjoy all that life has to offer, but remember to be gentle with yourself as you are working through your healing.

Counselor's Corner: What's Blocking Your View of God's Goodness?

Are you able to see clearly the goodness of God in your life, or do you instead see what’s wrong?

My husband recently planted some really nice trees in my backyard alongside my fence to the left of my office. I have a large window in my office that I can see straight out into my backyard to view these newly planted trees, but I can’t really see the trees. I should be able to see the trees but right in front of these trees is a large pile of stacked wood and trash from a project that we did in the Fall. If I look closely I can see the tops of the trees, but I catch myself instead staring at the large trash pile blocking my way of the beautiful trees. My focus is not on the beautiful trees but on the stack of trash.

There is so much of God’s goodness all around us, but sometimes our views of His goodness gets blocked. How does this happen?

·         The enemy magnifies and distorts what is around us to make our problems seem larger or more threatening than they really are, hence our focus becomes on the amplification of the situation.

·         We become tuned-in to the frequency of what the enemy is trying to speak and confirm to us about our situations. The enemy is a master illusionist, if he can make you think and believe your situation is out of control by using props, people, and places you can easily begin to agree with the illusion.

·         Once our focus in turned towards the exaggerated problems, we no longer can view the goodness around us. At this point all we can hear and see is what the enemy is doing, hence God’s goodness gets blocked.

The enemy is not only a master illusionist at creating problems that seem to demand our attention but is relentless with the numerous attempts to get our focus and cause preoccupation with the issues. When these types of attacks come your way, you will need to be intentional in focusing on what is right. CHOOSE to write down at least (5) things that you are grateful for every day and CHOOSE to speak what your blessings are out loud every day. Turn your attention immediately from problems, distractions, and situations that seem persistent, frequent, and larger than you can handle. Go somewhere quiet and pray, breathe, and ask God to intervene. Then REFOCUS on what is good.

If you find yourself getting upset easily, agitated, aggravated, irritated or distracted when think about or are around certain situations, it is an indicator your focus is on the problem!  

Today, as challenging and unrelenting your circumstances may be, CHOOSE to focus on the good, your blessings, and turn your attention immediately from whatever is causing you to focus your attention on the problem.

Word of Encouragement Devotional: Being Good at One Thing or Being Mediocre at Many Things

How many roles do you have? Wife, mother, group leader, employee, etc. How many of the roles do you perform partially because there is not enough of you to go around? How many of the roles that you have you actually need to have, and how many you take on because of what others may expect of you?

Christians are no exception to carrying too many roles, in fact many are overloaded with various duties and responsibilities that are not allowing them to be great at one thing. If you are serving everywhere you will get burned-out! Christians don’t like to talk about burn-out, but it is real and I am concerned it is happening too frequently behind the guise of “serving like Jesus.” Jesus never overloaded his plate, and always made time for God.

In a small group I was in previously a question was asked what we did and who we were. Several of the women answered they were involved in leading or attending several small groups, not just one but multiple areas of serving. The last lady to answer the question said, “I feel bad, I don’t do what you all do, I’m just a stay at home mom.” I spoke up immediately and said that was great that she chooses to be great at the one thing God was calling her to do, and not running around all over the place while her children were neglected.

Reflect:

Why do we feel we need to have so many roles going on at the same time? Insecurity, people-pleasing, wanting approval from others, or want the recognition?

I got together with a good friend of mine and took some time catching up with what was going on in each other’s lives. After hearing all the roles my friend was trying to juggle at the same time, I was exhausted! My friend is in ministry full-time, volunteers in the nursery at church, is a leader of a small group, attends a small group, caregiver to a parent, and grandmother to several grandchildren. However, her overloaded schedule is not uncommon, many people choose to “burn the candle at both ends.”

I asked my friend two important questions, one, “When do you spend time with the Lord and get still before Him?” and second, “When do you rest?” There was a blank stare on her face as if I spoke something foreign.

If you don’t have time to spend with God and you don’t have time to rest-You are too busy! Do what God has called you to do and do it well by not being spilt between multiple roles.  

Counselor's Corner: Needing Quick Fixes and Instant Results

Are you like me, a little inpatient when you have to wait for things, like waiting in a grocery line at the store knowing you got better things to do, right? Patience is part of the fruit of the Holy Spirit so why do I seem to not have a lot of it?

When I pray, I expect immediate results and quick fixes to my problems. Patience is usually developed through the trials and challenges of life. I have prayed for patience but I wanted God to just give it to me! What I am finding through my own life, is that God develops patience through the tough times. There is usually not a quick fix or an immediate result to our problems.

We live in a culture that wants everything instant, whether it’s our food quickly available through a microwave or pictures we take on our phones that can be immediately downloaded. Whatever happened to the good ol’ days where you took pictures on a camera, and then took the film to a photo lab and waited for at least a week to get those pictures back? Sometimes if we are not careful we can begin to act like the world around us demanding, “I don’t want to have to wait, I want it now!” When I was growing up many years ago, people worked hard and waited to take vacations after they saved enough money to go. Now, people take vacations whenever they want because they just charge it all on their credit card. I am not implying that credit cards are bad, just using an example of our culture wanting instant gratification.

When a farmer sow’s seeds in the ground, he has to wait patiently for that crop to produce a harvest. Now if that farmer prematurely goes out and digs up his newly planted seeds, he will most likely have seeds still. The farmer must not want instant results when he plants.

►Reflection questions:

1)      What in your life do you want instant results or a quick fix to your situation?

2)      Have you grown tired of praying for the same things and seeing no results?

3)      Do you get frustrated when things are not quick fixes for you, or that God does not answer your prayers sooner?

4)      Would you define yourself as an impatient person?

→Now that you have answered the above questions, reflect on the definition of patience and see how it applies or not applies to you:

Patience:

·         The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

·         The quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.

·         The ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.

·         Quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care.

Patience comes easier to us when things are going our way, but when our rights are violated our patience is put to the test. Patience reveals our faith in God’s timing in the face of injustices and irritations. Our patience is developed and strengthened by resting in God’s will and timing, even when evil men appear to succeed in their ways.

#GotPatience?

Impatience leads to stress, tension, anger and frustration.

Counselor's Corner: Traits of a Trailblazer

Have you ever wondered why you have trouble fitting into groups, a particular class of people, or have trouble conforming what everyone else is doing?

Have you thought, “What’s wrong with me that I cannot just go along with the status quo?

If the above statements describe you, take heart-you might be a trailblazer!

→How do you know you’re a trailblazer, here are some traits to look for:

·         Stand-out among others

·         Don’t follow crowds

·         Inspire others

·         Conqueror new territories

·         Lead by example

·         Know how to overcome obstacles

·         Take risks

·         Know your vision and are unwavering about it when doubters and naysayers come

·         Follow the leading of the Holy Spirit not man

·         Not concerned if people approve you, but if God does

·         Paves a path that others can follow

Dictionary.com defines trailblazer as a person who blazes a trail for others to follow through unsettled country or wilderness. If you have gone though trials, been in a “pit,” or in the “wilderness,” and you have overcome those challenges; God can use you as a trailblazer to lead others through their wilderness.

What about you, did you discover you are a trailblazer?

Word of Encouragement Devotional: Never Feeling Satisfied

When do you feel satisfied the most in your life? After eating a big slice of chocolate cake, buying a new outfit, or when you complete a goal? All of these can be good, but they can never truly satisfy long-term. Do indulgences that you partake in feel good? Yes, of course, but you will need to continually supply yourself with these indulgences to get the feeling of being satisfied. This is why you may know people who go into debt, or develop an addiction to food, alcohol or drugs.

When you run to temporary satisfactions more than you run to Jesus, you will never be able to find the deep satisfaction that can only be found in Him.

Jesus said, “Whoever drinks the water that I give them will never thirst again” (John 4:13, NIV).  Jesus is all satisfying. When you give your life fully to Jesus and make Him in charge of your entire life, you will not “thirst” after temporary satisfaction like you once did.

Is it easy to fill your emptiness, heartache, or pain with temporary satisfaction? Absolutely! Most would say they want quick relief from pain. Next time you want to immediately run to a “quick fix” for your boredom, suffering, or distress try giving Jesus a chance first. There is no need to figure out what you need to do in your time with Jesus-just be and allow the Holy Spirit to speak.

Counselor's Corner: How to Experience the Peace of God in Your Most Difficult Circumstances

Do you tend to get anxious, worried or fearful when difficult situations arise? How do you handle circumstances that are challenging? Overeat or escape through movies, drugs or alcohol?

If your honest, would you say that maintaining peace during trails is tough? If you answered yes, you are not alone. Mix in raging hormones for women, demanding schedules, and family needs; peace can seem like a distant friend.

►When you get out of the peace of Jesus a host of problems can arise:

·         Anxiousness

·         Worry

·         Fear

·         Headaches

·         Fatigue

·         Upset stomach

·         Restlessness

·         Agitation/irritability

·         Anger

·         Lack of restful sleep

►How do you get out of the flow of the peace of Christ:

1.      Taking matters into your own hands. Not allowing God time to work in your situation.

2.      Not trusting God with the outcome of what you’re praying for.

3.      Believing what the enemy is saying about your situation.

4.      Speaking negatively about your circumstance.

5.      People-pleasing. Doing things out of your flesh not being led by the Holy Spirit.

6.      Taking on other people’s responsibilities. Help others when you can, but it should not be a burden or repetitive.

►How to experience the peace of God:

God’s peace is not like worldly peace. Many people try to find peace in a bottle, a drug, a pill, food, money or in relationships. These types of false peace are temporary and you will always run-out and be needing more and more of whatever you are trying to satisfy your flesh with. Lasting peace comes from a relationship with Jesus, where you are submitting to His leadership. You can know Jesus and not follow Him. Following Jesus brings peace.

Your words have power-life and death are in the power of the tongue. Speak the peace of Jesus Christ over your life, your family and your circumstances daily.

God’s peace is comforting, quiet, still and calm. If you are feeling anxious, unsettled or agitated step back and call for the peace of Jesus. When you are under the peace of Jesus you will have refreshment and rejuvenation. If you remain in Christ, that is securely attached to the life source you can have peace at all times.

How do you attach to the life source? Carving out daily time to commune with the Father through listening, praying, worshipping, being still, journaling, and/or reading the Word of God.

God is peace. If God dwells in you, then peace will be everywhere you are and everywhere you go. The peace of God never brings confusion, chaos, turmoil, unrest or uneasiness.

Word of Encouragement: Breaking Generational Strongholds

Have you noticed in your family the same or familiar patterns of behavior occurring over and over again with different family members? These are generational strongholds or sins that have been passed down from one generation to another.

Generational strongholds are repeated patterns of sins in a family such as with addiction, idol worship, divorce, lying, and sexual immorality.

The enemy does not want anyone in the family system to begin to recognize familiar patterns of sin. Why? Because if just one person in the family repents and begins to turn from generational inequities the power to touch future generations will be demolished. However, much resistance from the enemy will come to the one or the few in the family who turn from generational wickedness. There will be seasons and times for the ones that have chosen to break-free from generational strongholds, that strong opposition will occur. This opposition comes mainly for two reasons. One, to get you to go back to your old lifestyle, or to your former ways of living godless. Second, to torment you with that the others in your family that are still under the generational strongholds will not be set-free.

Generational strongholds can only be broken by turning away from your sin, and choosing to walk in a different direction than what may have been passed down generationally to you.

You must be aware of what strongholds are in your family, repent, turn from them, and choose to follow after the Spirit not your flesh. Will doing this be difficult? Yes! Without a doubt, breaking free from generational sins will not be an easy task. Will the enemy try and seduce you back to the familiar, or what you grew-up around? Yes! Be on guard for when you are around people in your family who are still under bondage to generational sins, and make sure to go to your quiet place afterwards and allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you. Those pesky demons that are still attached to some of your family may try and speak to you, so you must get alone with the Father to be still and hear His voice.

→Reflect:

Do you know the generational strongholds in your family? Have you turned from these sins and began living a different way? Have you confessed these sins in your family?

If the enemy comes lurking to persuade you to go back into the familiar ways of what you were raised around, remind yourself that you are a new creation in Christ and your former self is no more.

The younger generation is looking to you, be an example to them how to follow Christ and overcome generational sin.

→Meditate:

So, if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17

I, the Lord…visits the inequity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments (Exodus 20:5; Numbers 14:18).

Counselor's Corner: Accepting Yourself

Can you honestly say that you accept yourself fully, or do you reject some parts of yourself? Do you accept your personality, your weaknesses, your quirks, and the parts of you that are “still under construction?”

Many people have difficulty accepting all of themselves, they may like their strengths but despise their limitations. Personally, I am comfortable with my strong points, but I tend to want to cower down in the face of my imperfections. Let’s face it, we all have imperfections, but we don’t accept all of our “warts and blemishes.” There are sides to us that we do not want anyone to see, not even ourselves! We hide the parts of ourselves that if were exposed we could feel shame. So, then we become not true to our ourselves and “wear a mask” that cover our perceived messed-up selves. “Cause, what if someone knew the real me? They may not like all of me, just the good parts.”

When you don’t accept yourself unconditionally that means the good, the bad and the ugly sides, you will wind-up covering up who you really are.

If we want to be able to accept other people just as they are, then it must begin with accepting ourselves just as we are. It does not mean we don’t want to be better, or want our loved ones to be better, it just means we allow grace to cover areas that are still a work in progress. Grace implies to ourselves and to others that none of us are perfect, and all need the space and time to grow and learn. Start today by giving yourself grace for all the parts of yourself that make you uncomfortable, or that you are still finding trouble overcoming.

If you are making progress not perfection that is what you should focus on, not how much further you have to go.

►Reflection questions:

1)      What areas do you have trouble accepting in yourself? How would you feel if you accepted all parts of yourself?

2)      Can you give yourself grace today for all your weaknesses, faults, and mistakes?

→Say out loud, “I accept all of myself.”