Thursday, September 14, 2017

Counselor's Corner: Enjoying Life Again After Trauma








If you have endured any type of trauma, learning to enjoy life again will part of your healing journey. For many people who have lived through traumatic experiences whether one time or recurrent trauma’s, the brain and body goes into a protective mode by shielding itself from any further danger. This protective mode is only supposed to last until you can cope with the initial shock of the trauma. I am sure you have heard of people who are described as going into “shock” when someone they love passes away. After the initial shock wear’s off, most people begin the healing process, but for some the trauma is too difficult for them to process and they remain stuck in the time that the trauma. Repressing trauma is seen frequently in people who have a history of past trauma’s such as childhood abuse. Other ways one does not deal with the trauma they experienced is through drug addiction (whether street or prescription), high amounts of alcohol, and any other escapism such as pornography.

 
Enjoying life after trauma

Uncovering the pain around the trauma, and allowing yourself to truly feel the pain is a stepping stone towards healing, and eventually enjoying your life. (If at any time the pain associated with your trauma becomes unbearable or unmanageable seeking professional help will be necessary or if you are abusing drugs and/or alcohol to not feel pain you will need to seek assistance).



Allowing God into your pain is one of the most important steps to take towards your healing. Sharing with God how you felt at the time of the trauma and how you are coping now as a result. Ask Jesus to begin to heal your painful memories around the trauma. Start praying that God would close any “open doors” in your life that gave the enemy access to your emotions and soul, such as unforgiveness, bitterness, and anger. Replace all the lies that you have believed about God because of the trauma. There is a strong possibility that you are angry with God and your faith has faltered.



If you have not dealt with your trauma but are ready to begin, take it slow and be gentle with yourself. Don’t condemn or judge yourself for allowing yourself too get so far off track, and don’t compare where other people are at in their walk with God. The enemy will condemn you if you begin to look at other’s and how they overcome their obstacles so quickly and you did not. If you have not “walked in someone else’s shoe’s,” you cannot determine why their healing journey is taking longer unless you can peal back their hearts and minds and see everything they have been through.



You will enjoy life again! As long as every day you are making progress towards your healing, and not staying stuck you will enjoy your life again!



→Side note: Trauma can cause chemical changes in your brain responsible for mood regulation. The good news is we do have the ability to increase these feel good neurotransmitters naturally through exercising, eating a well-balanced diet, getting at least 7-9 hours of sleep, renewing the mind daily by rewiring our faulty beliefs through the Word of God and positive affirmations, and seeing a nutritionist who can advise you on natural supplements. The natural way to build feel good neurotransmitters does not happen overnight, you will need to be aware that it will take time and if you are not able to handle life because of depression and/or anxiety talking to your medical doctor would be advised for prescription medication. Many of the prescription medications can make you feel emotionally numb or have unwanted side effects, but they can help if you have major depression or debilitating anxiety.



After recovering from your trauma, you will be more able to experience enjoying life again.



Recovery from trauma takes time.



Take it day by day, and as long as you are not going backwards you are healing. Initially you may not feel like enjoying the things that you use to, start enjoying the small things first.





Learn to enjoy the small thingsHow?

Sit outside and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea, watch birds, take a stroll outside and observe the beauty of nature, plan a lunch date with a friend, watch a movie and eat popcorn, take a bike ride, plant some flowers, or have a picnic.



What else could you do that is enjoyable?



Do something small every day that you would enjoy and overtime you will begin to explore even more enjoyable things. Don’t push yourself to enjoy what everyone else does. Your enjoyment right now will seem very simple, but sometimes it is the simple things in life that are the most enjoyable. You may not be in a place right now where you can fully enjoy all that life has to offer, but remember to be gentle with yourself as you are working through your healing.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Counselor's Corner: God, Why Did You Allow This to Happen? Dealing with Anger from Emotional Pain and Trauma








When you endure times of emotional pain and trauma and you specifically prayed for that event or situation not to occur and it did, or if you prayed that God would further shield you from any more pain and that did not happen the way you thought-it is possible that you have unresolved and repressed anger towards God.




Any type of trauma or emotional pain often shakes the very foundation of your faith. Before the trauma you may have believed that God was your protector and that He was good ALL the time. After much suffering, it can be challenging to believe that God always protects you and is good to you ALL the time. Unfortunately, this is a topic that is rarely discussed in our Christian communities because we put on “masks” to cover up how we really feel. Unresolved anger towards God not only hinders our relationship with Him but with others.



A client I had years ago had many emotional problems and an addiction to prescription pain medicines. I asked her if she was “angry at all at God for the things that happened to her”, and her response was, “We can’t get angry at God. I would never tell Him that I was angry with Him.” I then asked her, “Don’t you think God already knows?”



Countless Christians, many who you attend church with every week are angry with God but would never admit that. God already knows what is in the deepest part of our heart. God desires that you sit with Him, and tell Him how you feel. If you can’t tell God, write it in a letter addressed Dear God. After you speak or write your letter to God, sit quietly and allow the Holy Spirit to minister to you. You will find that God is super gentle, gracious and merciful to our human weaknesses and understanding of our suffering.



In my own time of trauma, I eventually sat with the Father and asked, “God, why did you allow this to happen?” and I asked, “Why, God, why!” Of course, I did not get an immediate response to my questions, instead God started revealing to me all the good times that I had with the person that caused so much trauma in my life. God showed me that He already knew I was angry for believing that He did not stop what happened.


What God desires is to restore our relationship with Him. I did not realize that unconsciously I had placed God out of my heart because I had repressed anger towards Him. How you view your earthly father is a lot how you view your Heavenly Father. If your earthly father abused you, did not protect you, or neglected you, then when something happens in your life that you desperately want God to rescue you from and He does not immediately; anger and pushing God away is common.



Don’t condemn yourself if you have pushed God away or if you are angry at God. Don’t let another day go by staying this way. God may not reveal every detail why suffering happened to you, but He will comfort and strengthen you. Get real with God, He can handle it! Unresolved anger towards God can lead to bitterness and apathy and eventually a complete turning away from God. Why do you think so many people turn away from God when tragedy occurs?



Why God permits suffering is the age-old question. Some Biblical theologians and even scholars have concluded we just don’t know why suffering happens but perhaps like with Job in the Bible, God allowed satan to bring suffering for a reason or with the Apostle Peter how God allowed satan to “sift him as wheat,” to refine Peter, and sometimes it is to test our faith and other times we live in a fallen world and bad things happen. Whatever reason has caused your suffering, know that no weapon formed against you will prosper, this means if you took a hit from the enemy’s arsenal that weapon cannot succeed in your life. If you are highly analytical like I am, saying, “Just trust God,” is not helpful. People who are analytical have to work through and process with God our feelings, and that is okay because God created the analytical mind! Allow people who may be different from you the space and time to work through their questions about suffering. Just because someone wonders and questions about suffering does not mean they don’t want a relationship with God, in fact the opposite is most likely true- the analytical are looking to prove God cares and not that He is a distant or non-existent God.


Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Counselor's Corner: Healing from Emotional Pain and Trauma






*See article, Healing from Trauma



Emotional pain and trauma can make it almost impossible to enjoy life and can manifest as physical pain. Rejection activates the same pathways in your brain as physical pain. Feelings of rejection disrupts the need we all have to belong and to be accepted. Rejection can interfere with your ability to think, make decisions, and to recall memories. Letting go of rejection can be good for your mental health, but holding onto and internalizing the rejection can cause mental health issues as well as physical diseases.




When your nervous system is overloaded with too much stress and trauma, you shut down. You may feel numb, detached, and disconnected as a result. You may feel like you are existing but not truly living.



Emotional pain actually takes a greater toll on your quality of life than physical pain.

The stress and negative emotions linked to a traumatic event can cause physical pain and diseases including chronic inflammation, headaches, high blood pressure, lowered immune system, and altered brain chemicals. Emotional trauma and pain can interfere with your ability to enjoy life and in severe cases one may have trouble with deciding if life is worth living.



Practical tips to begin healing from trauma associated with emotional pain:



1.      Avoid ruminating about the hurt and the traumatic memories. When you think about what someone has done to hurt you over and over again, it can be distressing, cause depressive emotions and intense anger. There must be closure with whomever caused you to feel betrayed or rejected. You may never get the opportunity to speak with the person who has hurt you, and they may never truly apologize to you. You can write a letter to them and not mail the letter, but instead bury or burn the letter. You can place an empty chair in front of you and “pretend” you are telling the person who has hurt you how it made you feel. You can also place an empty chair in front of you and talk to God about the person or people who have wounded you. Trauma should not be repressed but in a healthy manner dealt with by dealing with the pain associated with the trauma. If trauma is not dealt with properly these memories will be played over and over again in your mind resulting in Post-Traumatic Stress. Whatever you decided, make sure you forgive that person, offer them undeserved mercy, and pray a blessing over them (you may have to do this daily until you feel recovered from your heart wounds).

2.      Let go of the rejection you may have internalized as a person walking out of your life, abandoning you or betraying your trust. Internalizing the rejection implies you believe deep down inside that you did something to deserve their rejection and that you are not valuable or worthy enough to receive their love. Dispel and reject all the “seeds” that have taken root to cause you to believe that you are not worthy, not important, not special, or that you are a failure. ALL LIES. No matter what you have or have not done in a particular relationship that does not mean that you are not worthy to be honored, valued or treated with dignity. You are worthy and more importantly God does not reject you! Pull out all the “roots” or the lies that you have believed because someone rejected or betrayed you, and replace all lies with truth in God’s Word.

3.      Begin to accept yourself and the situation that caused you the emotional trauma. There is a familiar saying,” It is what it is.” Acceptance brings healing. Reliving the past, trying to figure out why something happened, or replaying the trauma in your mind brings more pain and increases your chances of being further traumatized.

4.      Begin exercising. Exercising builds essential brain chemical neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine for mood regulation, and decreasing anxiety. Try and exercise every day.

5.      Connect with safe people. You don’t have to talk to others about your trauma, in fact for some talking to others can make their trauma worse. You can have just one or two people that you share the trauma you have been through. Attend normal activities that feel safe to you such as church, a bible study, or a lunch date with a trusted friend. (if you are not able to cope with daily living, are severely depressed or anxious or unable to connect with anyone you may benefit from professional help).

There is something known as continued traumatic stress, this occurs when trauma is repeated such as women and children who are sold into sex slavery or in abusive relationships. Some symptoms may be: difficulty regulating emotions, sense of helplessness and powerlessness, feeling like you are someone you love is always in danger, and not able to trust others. The anticipatory anxiety that comes from worrying if a threatening situation will occur, whether the fear is realistic or not can transform how you respond to threats. If there is a remote possibility the trauma can occur again, you may begin to live an automatic “flight or fight” mode or on high alert. This can cause an inability to relax and enjoy life. When you are trapped in a situation that you have little or no control over a sense of dread can occur.



You have two primary options if you have endured continued traumatic stress: 1) Medication and therapy and 2) Work through the above tips on healing from trauma, work through the trauma with someone you trust and with God, naturally alternative treatments such as Kava and chamomile, speak scriptures out loud over yourself daily that pertain to your situation, and ask Jesus into every situation that you are in and for Him to bring the healing to your memories, body and to your emotions.


Though you may have walked through the fire, God can not only bring you through the fire but you can come out without a burn or scar upon you. Jesus Christ is a healer and He does care about all of your trauma. Seek God for the wisdom for the right direction you should go for your healing. Healing often occurs in stages in multiple layers. Jesus can and often heals through many sources, and yes, He can also heal miraculously!




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