Counselor's Corner: Contending for Your Destiny

We all have been created with a purpose and to fulfill God’s destiny for us. When we walk in our destiny or our created purposes the Kingdom of God gets advanced. Walking into our destiny usually comes with a battle from the kingdom of darkness.

→You must know how to contend for your destiny to fulfill what God has in store for you.

How to contend for your destiny:

1.      First and most importantly, know what your created purpose is. Everyone has a purpose, and if you do not know yours take some time and ask the Lord to reveal to you why He created you. Write down your strengths, your weaknesses, prior jobs that you had and enjoyed, and your greatest struggles and triumphs. Listen to what other people say about you consistently such as, “you’re always such an encourager.” What are your spiritual gifts? God will take your talents, gifts, personality, experiences, and He will use your strengths for your created destiny. God will even use your trials, struggles, and heartache for good.

2.      Write down what you believe your destiny is. Speak daily your destiny over yourself. Even if you cannot perceive how and when your destiny will unfold, believe by faith that God has set you on the path to your journey.

3.      Understand that there are no small opportunities to advancing to your destiny. Small opportunities lead to bigger opportunities. Do not get discouraged if you do not feel you are not fully walking in your destiny, every small step that you take can lead you to your destiny.

4.      Recognize that you will be tested repeatedly as to your faithfulness to your calling and especially to your loyalty and love to Jesus. This testing is extremely beneficial as you fully walk into your destiny. It is better to get tested now and develop spiritual maturity, perseverance, steadfastness, and an overcoming spirit than to abort your destiny because you cannot handle the pressure.

5.      Be aware that you will be refined until there is nothing in your character that could hinder fulfilling your destiny. Anything that needs to be purged out of your mind, soul or emotions that does not reflect the Glory of God-will be purged out! Nothing will be remaining in you that could be corrupt, immoral, or contentious to the things of God. Some people do not allow God to refine them because to be frank, it can be painful. If you do not allow God to take you through the tests and refinement before stepping into your destiny, you will take an enormous chance of hurting others because of your immaturity, backsliding into sin because you could not handle the pressures, or not finishing what you were called to do because you lack perseverance and steadfastness.

6.      You must let God heal and uproot emotional wounds. Invest in spending intimate time with the Lord daily as He ministers and heals your heart. Your broken heart must undergo the ‘heart surgery” from the great physician before you can fully enter into your destiny. Remember, hurting people hurt people. Don’t run from your pain but let God expose and mend all your broken areas, then you will be much more capable of ministering to others who are in need of repair. If your destiny does not involve directly working with others, still allow God to mend any broken areas so that you can be as productive as possible. You will still be taking small steps towards your destiny as God is mending your heart and emotions.

7.      Spiritual opposition will come to discourage, delay or completely stop you. If one day it feels like you have taken two steps back or what could go wrong does, regroup again and move forward. This is where you learn about persistence and perseverance. Battles are not won all at once but one victory after another.

8.      There are those sent into your life as destiny destroyers. They come into your life to hinder and weaken your calling, usually when you are about to move forward into your destiny. Recognize and be aware of who the enemy uses as destiny destroyers in your life. The greater the destiny, the greater the warfare will be. You must know how to employ the right spiritual warfare. We battle against not flesh and blood but against principalities and rulers of this dark world. You will need to become a spiritual warrior and know how to be victorious over the attacks the enemy sends to you to defeat, discourage and stop you.

9.      Don’t curse your destiny. Speak life and truth about your destiny not words like, “I am such a failure I can’t do that.”

10.  Do something everyday towards your destiny, but remember it is God who opens and closes doors that no man can. Just be determined to do your part and let God do His part.

11.  Face your “giants- “fear, worry, doubt. Overcome and subdue your giants with Christ until they become smaller than the God that is in you. You must not cower in fear to your giants but you need to learn to conqueror each one. You must believe that you are a weapon of war, trained by God to make the enemy a footstool until the return of Christ. You must understand your authority over the kingdom of darkness and take dominion over all that God has given you.

12.  Keep focused as distractions come to derail you from what you should be doing. Distractions can come in many forms, and some are sent from the enemy.

Your destiny unfolds overtime. Knowing God’s timing is crucial. There are times we will be tested, times of learning about spiritual warfare, times of strength training, times we learn about perseverance and persistence, and times we know we are to go forward.

What do you believe your God-given destiny is? Are you ready to contend for your destiny?

Counselor's Corner: Healing from Trauma

→What is trauma?

A deeply distressing experience, or a very difficult or unpleasant experience that causes someone to have mental or emotional problems usually for a long time.

Trauma can occur one time like death, natural disasters or accidents, or trauma can be prolonged and repetitive like abusive relationships, family with addictions, or combat.

Trauma that causes the most mental health issues are prolonged and repeated traumas and trauma that occurs from people especially parent-child relationships.

→What is a traumatic event?

Extreme stress that overwhelms a person’s ability to cope and overwhelms a person emotionally, cognitively and physically.

→Symptoms of trauma:

·         Hypervigilant/guarded

·         Easily startled

·         Sensitive to certain noises

·         Feeling on edge

·         Depression/anxiety

·         Overwhelming feelings of guilt

·         Intrusive thoughts of trauma

·         Disconnected from others and difficulty trusting others

·         Difficulty handling stress

·         Emotional numbness

→Long-term effects of trauma can include:

·         Substance and alcohol abuse

·         Avoidance of anything related to the trauma

·         Depression

·         Anxiety

·         Dissociative disorders

·         Eating disorders

·         Difficulty with normal functioning such as work or relationships

Although the traumatic experience may be over, the person’s reaction may not be.

Healing from trauma takes time. Practicing self-care will be of upmost importance in recovery of trauma.

→Practical tips for naturally healing from trauma:

1.      Begin and end each day with God. Sit quietly before the Lord and allow Him to minister to your wounds. Pray that God would completely heal you from past trauma in your life and heal all memories associated with the trauma. If you a believer in Jesus Christ ask the God delivers you from the spirit of trauma and any other spirits associated with the spirit of trauma.

∙Pray the following prayer or use as a guide:

Father, I thank you that you are my healer and that you care about everything that happens to me. I ask you today that you would bring complete healing to all wounds associated with the trauma(s) I have gone through, and that you would wash over every memory connected to this trauma(s) with your cleansing and healing blood. Uproot every demonic assignment formed against my mind, body, soul and spirit. I ask that you would bind any spirit of trauma, spirit of torment, spirit of rejection, spirit of infirmity and spirit of anxiety by your authority, by your blood and in your name Jesus Christ, amen.

2.      Learn to breathe properly. Take deep cleansing breathes to relax tension and anxiety. Breathe in deeply and exhale slowly at least 3x. Repeat as needed.

3.      Exercise. Walk, run, bike, or whatever you choose.

4.      Talk to someone trusted about your trauma such as a godly friend, counselor, or talk to God honestly about your struggles.

5.      Get enough sleep every night-7-9 hours and have plenty of down time. Excessive amounts of stress that is triggered by trauma can cause your adrenals glands to not function properly thus tiring easily-adequate amounts of sleep and rest can help.

6.      As your body and mind is recovering and you are standing in faith for Jesus to bring complete healing try adding supplements and herbs to help with anxiety. Here are a few examples (not a medical disclaimer): holy basil, rhodiola rosea, green tea (supplement or tea), kava kava, chamomile, B-6, taurine, theanine, and l-tyrosine. There are many more supplements and herbs, check with a nutritionist.

7.      Avoid reminders of your trauma such as war movies or returning to the scene of a crime.

8.      Connect with safe people that you feel you can trust such as a small group at your church.

9.      Create as much safety and tranquility in the environment around you. Play soothing music, light scented candles, and try essential oils. Ask Jesus to bring His peace into the environment that you are in.

10.  Deal with your anger at God and with others. Write it out and talk it out if possible to God or to someone that you trust.

11.  Read out loud daily scriptures that deal with anxiety, worry, fear, and God’s protection.

Take baby steps. If you have been traumatized repeatedly or once, take small recovery steps and don’t expect yourself to take one giant leap and you are all better (there are times that God does heal instantly but usually we will have to go through the process).

Counselor's Corner: Overcoming the Fear of Failure

Fear of failure occurs when you have tried to accomplish a goal or a task and either had setbacks, delays or no progress at all. Usually the fear of failure does not happen the first attempt at a desired outcome but after repeated attempts to achieve your dream or destiny.

Failure is mostly based on your perception, in other words, if you keep trying after not succeeding do you give up or keep trying? If you perceive that you are a failure and whatever you do will fail, you will not keep trying. If you believe that failure only occurs if you stop trying than you likely will continue to pursue your dreams.

I had great ambitions to become a published author. I set out on my mission to publish my first book, and I did several years ago. The problem is that even though I did have my book published, the sales of that book only covered the expenses of what I paid the publisher. I did not make a large profit and became terrified to write another book. I knew I was supposed to write another book, even though my first book did not have the outcome that I would have liked. Now my second book is currently under contract with a different publisher and awaiting a release date soon. I truly don’t know what will happen with this book, but I will continue to write even after my second book is released. If you know God has given you something to do, our part is to be faithful and do it and not to worry about the outcomes.

Perhaps you did not write a book and it flopped but you had a business fail or a job that you did not flourish at. As a result, you may be stagnant or comfortable not pursuing any further goals that would lead you towards your dream. You have stopped dreaming, believing and hoping that your destiny would be fulfilled.

Failure is a part of life. Each time you miss the mark use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Sometimes you don’t make it the first, second or even third time around. Sometimes it can take multiple times to finally see your dreams come to pass. DON’T GIVE UP! When you are not getting the desired outcomes or one door closes after another, regroup and try again!

→PERSISTANCE AND PERSERVERANCE are keys to overcoming fear of failure.

Some naysayers may say to you, “If you did not make it work the first or second time around you probably should give up.” You may even tell yourself that.

But what if…

Abraham Lincoln did give up after he failed numerous times with different offices in the government he was trying to run for, he never would have become our 16^th president. He is known as the most famous failure ever to hold office in the United States.

What did Lincoln do to finally become the president of the United States? Persistence and perseverance.

Albert Einstein known for having one of the most brilliant minds ever lived was once considered a major failure! Einstein did not speak until he was four years old. He eventually went to a university but he struggled and nearly dropped out. Einstein’s father considered his son to be a major failure. After his graduation, he was unsure about what to do with his life and become an insurance salesman. Einstein eventually brought us the theory of relativity and developed several fundamental core laws for physics.

What did Albert Einstein do to finally win the Nobel Prize in 1921 after many prior failures? He persisted and persevered through the many failures in his life.

Bill Gates first business, Traf-O-Data failed. Gates enrolled in Harvard University but the following year he dropped out of Harvard to start Microsoft.

How did Bill Gates successfully launch Microsoft after a failed business? Persistence and perseverance.

Charlie Chaplin’s early years were tumultuous. He was born into poverty and his father abandoned him at 2 years old. At the age of 7 he was forced to go to a workhouse for exchange of room and board. Chaplin’s mother was committed to a mental asylum when he was 9 years old. When he was 11 years old his father died of cirrhosis of the liver from alcoholism. Chaplin’s mother battled mental illness for several years afterwards and was permanently committed to an asylum where she remained until her death. Chaplain partook in stage plays and worked on his comedic talents during this time.

What eventually lead Charlie Chaplin to Hollywood where he become one of the most famous comedic actors in the Hollywood Golden age? Persistence and perseverance.

Colonel Harland Sanders better known for his Kentucky Fried Chicken. He is also known for his numerous failures in life and in business. At 5 years old, his father died leaving his mother to take care of three children. Harland’s mother would leave for days at a time and he would have to take care of his siblings. During this time, he learned to be a proficient cook. At the age of 12, his mother remarried but this marriage was not good and it caused him to leave home the following year. At 14 years old, he began working as a farmhand. Sanders worked many jobs for years, but nothing really stuck. He owned a ferry boat, sold tires, and eventually opened a restaurant in a gas station selling fried chicken. He was already 40 years when he started serving the fried chicken dishes, but was 50 years old before securing the secret chicken recipe known as the colonel’s secret recipe of 11 herbs and spices. However, just 2 years later he sold his business and got divorced. In 1955, another one of his restaurants failed.

 The age of 65 years he set out to franchise his chicken across the nation. He was rejected by 1,009 restaurants before ONE agreed to his idea.

What if Colonel Sanders gave up after repeated job failures and the rejection of 1,009 restaurants for franchising his chicken? There would be no KFC today!

Dr. Seuss was famously known for the children’s book,” Green eggs and ham.” His initial manuscript that he wrote was rejected 28 times before finally being accepted. Dr. Seuss went on to write many more children’s books and has sold over 600 million copies of his books.

Why do you believe we have such great books around today by Dr. Seuss? He did not give up after his first manuscript was repeatedly rejected but he persisted and persevered until becoming one of the most well-known children’s author of all times.

Emily Dickinson one of the most famous authors of modern times. She considered herself a failure much of her life. She was an extreme introvert and was reluctant to meet people face-to-face. She was called a reclusive and eccentric by the locals in her community. She never married nor had children. While Dickinson is considered to be one of the most renowned poets in history, less than a dozen of her poems were published during her lifetime. When her poems were published they were altered significantly because her style did not fit the norm of the day.

What if Dickinson stopped writing because only 12 of her poems were published during her lifetime? Today we would not have over 1,800 of her poems published and that are used in almost every high school and college literature class to this day.

Henry Ford known for the Ford Motor Company, one of the most profitable automotive companies in the world. Although success came to Ford years later he failed often in his early years. In 1901, his first business failed and in 1903 at the age of 40 he tried again.

What if Ford quit after his first business failure or what if he thought he was too old to start again? We would not have Ford cars today that are affordable for the everyday family.

Jack Canfield known for the national best seller, “Chicken soup for the soul,” was turned down by 144 publishers before one small town publishing company in Florida took a chance with his book. Fast forward years later and 500 million books have been sold and it has been translated into over 20 languages.

What caused Canfield to keep going despite being rejected by 144 publishers? Persistence and preservice.

Mark Cuban known famously from the hit TV show, “Shark tank,” failed numerous times before becoming successful. Cuban was always an entrepreneur, selling garbage bags and running newspapers and everything in between. He moved to Dallas at 24 years old but could not find what he was good at. He failed at bartending, as a short-order cook, and as a salesman. At 25 years old, he decided to start his own company, Micro Solutions. He eventually grew that company to $30 million dollars in revenue. In 1995, he created Broadcast.com and at 37 years old that company was acquired by yahoo when it was sold for $5.7 billion.

What made Cuban eventually succeed and eventually be worth billions? Persistence and perseverance.

Lastly let’s not forget Thomas Edison who failed over 10,000 times trying to invent a commercially-viable electric bulb. He was asked at one point by a reporter if he felt like a failure after so many failed attempts. His reply to the reporter was, “I have not failed 10,000 times. I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those 10,000 ways will not work. I will find the way that will work.”

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts, and success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”

-Winston Churchill

After reading about the people who continued even after they failed numerous times whether personally or professionally, yet never gave up; what will you do?