Counselor's Corner: Time to Move Forward and Get Unstuck from Your Past

Nothing can hinder you more than staying stuck in the past. You cannot move forward into the new season that God has for you until you make peace with your past. Making peace with your past includes forgiving yourself, forgiving the ones who have hurt you, letting go of false guilt, letting go of how things should be or could have been, and releasing every toxic memory of the past.

Moving forward means fresh start. All the old ways of thinking and doing things that did not work before are left behind. Your past had a purpose, you most likely now are stronger in your faith and commitment to Christ.

Continually bringing up the past, especially repeating memories that are harmful serves no purpose but to decrease your hope and your faith and to increase discouragement and depression. There is a time to go back into your past to heal your broken and wounded hearts, but when that stage of healing is over, you need to move forward so that you do not get stuck in past pain.

The enemy wants you stuck like quicksand in your hurtful past and painful memories? Why? Because you cannot live the life that Christ came to give you fully. Christ wants you living free and also joyfully. Yes, you are to enjoy your life to the fullest. How can you enjoy your life when you are bound to the past, reliving your past to anyone who will hear your sad stories as a way to gain pity. Christ does not want you pitiful but powerful. Stop focusing on the problems of the past, what did not work, who was not there, who you lost, or even why something happened.

Let God heal your brokenness and then begin to live again.

Reflect and ponder: Do you feel stuck in your past problems and old wounds and can’t seem to move forward in your life?

God does not want you to rehash, remember and replay your old wounds and past problems, He wants to heal your heart, set you free, and release you to move forward. Make peace with your past, it happened, and no matter how you wanted things to have turned out differently-they didn’t! Focusing on the past is a surefire way to keep you in bondage. Traumatic memories are very powerful, and they can keep you stuck in pain. Painful memories can throw your physiology out of balance and prevent you from experiencing the peace of the present moment. People who live in the past of painful memories cannot enjoy the present very well because they keep reliving what has hurt them. When you think about the negative aspects of your past, fear, dread, worry, discouragement and even depression can hold you captive. Bad memories have strong negative emotions attached to them, which triggers physical and chemical changes in your body. Every time a bad memory causes a stressful response it takes up to 36 hours for your body to rid the stress hormones. If your mind is constantly replaying bad memories, your body does not get a chance to return to its natural resting state and as a result your body stays geared-up.

Steps to moving forward:

1.      Take the necessary time to grieve. If you have had trauma in your life, you will need to get to the “roots” of your imbedded pain. Allow Jesus to begin to heal the “roots” that get uncovered. Acknowledge what has hurt you, and don’t use anything to numb your pain. When you have not processed your pain or trauma memories, your mind is concerned and will try and relive the memories with the hope of some type of resolution.

2.      Rewire your brain. If you have endured a crisis, a trauma or extended stressors; your brain needs to be rewired. Trauma has a negative impact on the brain, but you can daily start to repeat scriptures and positive truths that reflect the truth in God’s Word over your life. Rewiring your brain is simply replacing the memories of the trauma or wound with God’s Word.

3.      Make new goals, including short-term and long-term goals. Write out your goals.

4.      Ask the Holy Spirit to help you to forgive and to release everyone who has hurt you. Forgiveness is key to being able to move forward. Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. Forgiveness is done on your part, but reconciliation involves both parties with repentance at the core.

5.      Refocus on things that are positive and of a good report and the traumatic memories will eventually be filed away as over. This is where taking every thought captive into the obedience of Christ can be applied (2 Corinthians 10:5). As a painful memory tries to steal your current peace, refocus immediately on something that is positive. Do not dwell on the painful memory and especially don’t go back and try and figure out why something happened. What you are doing by refocusing your thoughts is essentially erasing the harmful memories to make way for positive memories and the ability to get unstuck.

6.      To stay moving forward, release and process painful events immediately. When you don’t release painful emotions regularly, they can get stuck and will eventually cause illness. Release pain as soon as possible in prayer, alone with God, or with a trusted, godly person.

MEDITATE ON THESE SCRIPTURES:

He restores my soul. Psalm 23:3

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness the prisoners. Isiah 61:1

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

Counselor's Corner: Releasing the Familiar and Walking by Faith into the Unfamilar

Familiar things are comfortable to us, we are creatures of habit and like to dwell in places that are known to us. However, you know in your spirit it is time for change, and God is calling you to a new and unfamiliar territory. You would like God to give you not just a rough outline of what is in this new territory but a detailed plan of what to expect. The problem is rarely if ever God gives such detailed plans for the unknown that He is asking you to march forward in. When it is time to go forward, there is a discomfort in your familiar comforts, such as things just don’t seem to work and flow as they used to.

You may be in a transitional phase as you are trying to crossover to the unfamiliar that God is asking you to step into. In this transitional phase you will be challenged by the enemy to go back to your comfort, but you are well aware that your comforts are not covered in the grace of God any longer. Going back would mean a type of death, maybe not a physical death but a spiritual death. God has given you a mission to fulfill but you keep looking back, you have one foot in the past and one foot going forward.

You may have finally come to realize that some relationships will not be able to go with you in this new territory, and other relationships will not be able to have the same place in your life. This can be particularly difficult with family relationships and friends that you have had for a long time. God does not ask you to leave family and friends behind because He wants you to be alone and torture you, but so that He can get you to the place where you do not make these relationships idols, and your heart can heal to make room for godly relationships. If there are any unhealthy attachments and connections, and God is leading you to a new place of freedom and service for Him-these unhealthy ties cannot go with you into the new territory. God can and will work on those that are left as you venture into the unfamiliar.

Old habits, sins and lingering doubts of God’s goodness and if you can really trust Him should be left in the past (familiar) and new ways of relating to God should go forward with you into the new territory (unfamiliar place). For instance if in your old familiar past you entertained thoughts that you were an “orphan” and not really loved by God, this lie needs to be dismantled and the truth should go with you into the new territory, “You are adopted and an heir to the Kingdom of God.” This truth may seem unfamiliar because in your familiar past you related to yourself as unlovable, unworthy and not good enough. What was familiar to you in the past, needs to now become unfamiliar, and the old self cannot be brought into the new season God has for you. How you thought of not only yourself, God and your relationships need to be dismantled and put under the blood of Jesus Christ, and resurrect the new truths the Holy Spirit reveals about who He says that you are, His love for you, and how to let go of relationships that cannot go with you into the Promised Land. Some of the relationships that you let go of during this time, will cross over into the Promised Land with you eventually and some will stay in the “pit.” If you have come out of the pit and are now in the Promised Land, don’t go back into the pit to get these people out! Enjoy your new place of freedom and trust that the Holy One will make a way for all those who desire to get out of the pit, just like you desired!

Reflect and Ponder: Has God called you to a new season but you find you are resisting walking into the unfamiliar territory? Are you at the crossroad, wanting to move forward but sense a tug-of-war happening to keep you looking back at your past? Perhaps you are thinking, “What will people think of me?” or “What will happen if I move forward and leave my loved ones behind?”

Steps to move forward into the unfamiliar:

1.      First and most importantly, know that God is calling you to the unfamiliar. Seek the Holy Spirit and write down what He shows you. Let nothing be done because it feels good to your flesh or because you have always done it that way (comfort).

2.      If you feel fear, anxiousness or uneasiness about going forward in the unknown, stop and be still. Wait for God to reassure you and to confirm what you believe He is asking of you.

3.      Recognize that leaving the familiar behind can produce feelings of ambivalence, loss, sadness and guilt. If you have done something a certain way for years, and now you are doing things a new way, it may not feel right at first. Realigning significant relationships can be even more challenging, you very likely will come against an arsenal of attacks from the enemy as you surrender to God these relationships. Why? The enemy would love nothing more than for you to be bound to unhealthy, ungodly connections where all spiritual life is choked out of you.

4.      Expect resistance from the enemy and from relationships that you are surrendering to God. The enemy hates progress and growth and will use the people closest to you to get you to abort the necessary changes in your life. The voice of condemnation will get the loudest as you are getting ready to plant both feet in the new territory God has for you. If you know God is calling you into this new, unfamiliar territory then by faith move forward! The only other option is to go back to the familiar. You will need to in faith push forward as the enemy aggressively pursues in hindering your new territory. Right before you plunge completely forward, the battle will intensify-make the decision to trust God and GO! MOVE!

5.      God very likely will  not give you a detailed plan as to how everything will work out in the unfamiliar territory, expect a rough outline. When you step out in faith and decree and declare your new territory as something God has positioned for you, then God will fill in what’s next.

6.      As you GO FORWARD, march like a solider and keep your eyes on what is ahead and not behind you. When a solider marches they can’t look behind them because they will most likely miss their step.

MEDIATE ON THESE SCRIPTURES:

I will lead blind Israel down a new path, guiding them along am unfamiliar way. I will brighten the darkness before them and smooth the road ahead of them. Yes, I will indeed do these things; I will not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16

Trust in the Lord, with all your heart and don’t depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all that you do and He will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6

Counselor's Corner: Why You Might Feel Misunderstood

If you are following the path of Jesus-you will be misunderstood! Well-meaning Christians who do not understand your unique purpose, may unknowingly cause you to feel guilty because you are not following what the majority are doing. Are you born to be a follower or a leader?

Was Jesus misunderstood? Yes, He had a unique mission while here on earth and needed to obey God whether He was completely understood by people or not. Jesus was mission-minded. To be mission-minded you may need to get comfortable with being misunderstood, even by your family and friends. Joyce Meyer’s had a unique calling for her life, and she has discussed that in the beginning of her ministry she was misunderstood by her church and her family.

Reflect and ponder: Have you always felt a little different than others? Do you sense you are being set-apart to fulfil God’s Kingdom purpose? Do you sometimes feel a bit out of place?

Ways to handle being misunderstood:

1.      Know your purpose. Write out your purpose that God has given you for your life. If you know what you were created to do, it won’t bother you as much when people don’t get you. Get mission-minded!

2.      Surround yourself with people who support and encourage your calling, not their agenda for you! If you have not realized yet that if you allow others to dictate to you what you should be doing-they will! Know your purpose and do not be swayed and pulled by what people want you to accomplish for them.

3.      Realize that you are not alone. Jesus was misunderstood by the people closet to Him, yet He still fulfilled His mission.

4.      Don’t try and explain to others in great lengths who do not fully get what you’re about, be as brief as possible. Pray that the Holy Spirit shows them, and then move on!  

5.      Stay focused! When distractions come, temptations come, and the naysayers come-don’t let the enemy derail you from your path.

6.      Don’t compare yourself to ANYONE else, not even the people who are serving fervently at your church. You may be tempted to think, “Maybe I should serve like _____________ (you fill in the blank).”

If you live in a way where everyone understands you all the time, then you will not stand for anything. People will have expectations of you and want to put you in a “box”, but when you get focused on your mission you can rise above their expectations.

MEDITATE ON THESE SCRIPTURES:

Jesus’ family misunderstood Him. The crowds were impressed, but Jesus’ family were not: “He is out of his mind.” (Mark 3:21)

Jesus’ friends misunderstood Him. Jesus was explaining to His disciples God’s plan for Him, but Peter, one of Jesus’ closest friends, took him aside and said, “Far be it from you Lord, this shall not happen to you.” (Matthew 16:22).

Feeling misunderstood by family, friends, and perhaps even your neighbors-take heart, Jesus also experienced these types of misunderstandings.

You can provide opportunities for others to understand you, but never demand that they understand you-take the high road of humility. A true test of spiritual maturity is how we respond when we are being misunderstood or judged unfairly. Keep moving in the purposes that God has for you, and let God deal with those who misunderstand and accuse you. Do not get sidetracked by those who do not understanding your calling, and want to pull you to their purposes for you. Become confident in what God has designed you to do and let no one derail you from your unique purpose.

Counselor's Corner: How Does God Want Me to Enjoy Life?

Far too many people struggle with enjoying their lives. You may be one of those people who does not know how God would like you to enjoy life. I know I have struggled enjoying life and how God wants me to enjoy life, but I am learning and I hope you will too.

God does want us to enjoy life! He does not want us to be discouraged, defeated, depressed and lacking. Oftentimes, our circumstances cause us to lose our zest for life, and we become consumed by how large our problems appear. There are other times we exhaust ourselves copying what other people are doing, whether it is serving in the church or trying to “keep up with the Joneses.” We all go through challenging seasons that can zap our enjoyment of life, but we should not remain in this continual state. Depression whether medical or spiritual can cause you to not enjoy life, but with proper care such as with prayer, dietary changes, exercise, and/or supplements to treat the causes of depression, you should begin to enjoy life once again.

I went through a long season of extreme heartbreaking circumstances, during this time I forgot how to enjoy life. I did not laugh or smile very much during this season. I did not believe there was anything to laugh or smile about. Pain is tough and can change how you view life. I became very serious and “on-guard,” to what was going on around me, just in case there was more “danger.” How can one enjoy life when you looking around the corner for the “next?” You can’t!

You may get judged and criticized by others for not being what they need you to be. People may want you to go and do as before, and when you are not able to, some will judge you unfailrly. A word of caution not to judge why people may not do the things they used to do, pray for them and encourage them. We never truly know what others go through. Do what you can do, but do not feel guilty for needing to pull back and take care of yourself. When the time is right, God will pull back the “doors” that need to be opened in your life.

How does God want me to enjoy life?

·         In the simple things in life-a beautiful garden, birds singing or taking a walk-in nature.

·         Take time every day to unwind and relax. You don’t always have to going and doing!

·         Be still in the presence of the Lord and bask in His presence.

·         Slow down and stop being in a hurry.

·         Enjoy your meals and savor each bite.

·         Have at least one Sabbath day a week and take a nap!

·         Laugh often through comedies or being around people who make you laugh.

·         Stop being so serious about everything-lighten up!

·         Sing and dance around your house. David in the Bible danced before the Lord.

·         Be silly at times (not immature). You can still color and blow bubbles.

·         If you are married, enjoy your spouse and take pleasure in each other.

·         Drink a cup of tea on your porch.

·         Have lunch or coffee with a friend who is supportive and encouraging.

·         Treat yourself to something that you would really enjoy.

·         Be creative-paint, draw, or build something.

·         Be a blessing to someone else.

Reflect: What do you believe God would like you to start doing to enjoy your life?