Counselor's Corner: Enjoying LIfe Again After Trauma

If you have endured any type of trauma, learning to enjoy life again will part of your healing journey. For many people who have lived through traumatic experiences whether one time or recurrent trauma’s, the brain and body goes into a protective mode by shielding itself from any further danger.

This protective mode is only supposed to last until you can cope with the initial shock of the trauma. I am sure you have heard of people who are described as going into “shock” when someone they love passes away. After the initial shock wear’s off, most people begin the healing process, but for some the trauma is too difficult for them to process and they remain stuck in the time that the trauma. Repressing trauma is seen frequently in people who have a history of past trauma’s such as childhood abuse. Other ways one does not deal with the trauma they experienced is through drug addiction (whether street or prescription), high amounts of alcohol, and any other escapism such as pornography.

Uncovering the pain around the trauma, and allowing yourself to truly feel the pain is a stepping stone towards healing, and eventually enjoying your life. (If at any time the pain associated with your trauma becomes unbearable or unmanageable seeking professional help will be necessary or if you are abusing drugs and/or alcohol to not feel pain you will need to seek assistance).

Allowing God into your pain is one of the most important steps to take towards your healing. Sharing with God how you felt at the time of the trauma and how you are coping now as a result. Ask Jesus to begin to heal your painful memories around the trauma. Start praying that God would close any “open doors” in your life that gave the enemy access to your emotions and soul, such as unforgiveness, bitterness, and anger. Replace all the lies that you have believed about God because of the trauma. There is a strong possibility that you are angry with God and your faith has faltered.

If you have not dealt with your trauma but are ready to begin, take it slow and be gentle with yourself. Don’t condemn or judge yourself for allowing yourself too get so far off track, and don’t compare where other people are at in their walk with God. The enemy will condemn you if you begin to look at other’s and how they overcome their obstacles so quickly and you did not. If you have not “walked in someone else’s shoe’s,” you cannot determine why their healing journey is taking longer unless you can peal back their hearts and minds and see everything they have been through.

You will enjoy life again! As long as every day you are making progress towards your healing, and not staying stuck you will enjoy your life again!

→Side note: Trauma can cause chemical changes in your brain responsible for mood regulation. The good news is we do have the ability to increase these feel good neurotransmitters naturally through exercising, eating a well-balanced diet, getting at least 7-9 hours of sleep, renewing the mind daily by rewiring our faulty beliefs through the Word of God and positive affirmations, and seeing a nutritionist who can advise you on natural supplements. The natural way to build feel good neurotransmitters does not happen overnight, you will need to be aware that it will take time and if you are not able to handle life because of depression and/or anxiety talking to your medical doctor would be advised for prescription medication. Many of the prescription medications can make you feel emotionally numb or have unwanted side effects, but they can help if you have major depression or debilitating anxiety.

►Resource to help with negativity, depression, worry and anxiety: “Disciplining your mind 30 days to a better you!”

After recovering from your trauma, you will be more able to experience enjoying life again.

Recovery from trauma takes time.

Take it day by day, and as long as you are not going backwards you are healing. Initially you may not feel like enjoying the things that you use to, start enjoying the small things first.

Learn to enjoy the small things…How?

Sit outside and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea, watch birds, take a stroll outside and observe the beauty of nature, plan a lunch date with a friend, watch a movie and eat popcorn, take a bike ride, plant some flowers, or have a picnic.

What else could you do that is enjoyable?

Do something small every day that you would enjoy and overtime you will begin to explore even more enjoyable things. Don’t push yourself to enjoy what everyone else does. Your enjoyment right now will seem very simple, but sometimes it is the simple things in life that are the most enjoyable. You may not be in a place right now where you can fully enjoy all that life has to offer, but remember to be gentle with yourself as you are working through your healing.

Counselor's Corner: What's Blocking Your View of God's Goodness?

Are you able to see clearly the goodness of God in your life, or do you instead see what’s wrong?

My husband recently planted some really nice trees in my backyard alongside my fence to the left of my office. I have a large window in my office that I can see straight out into my backyard to view these newly planted trees, but I can’t really see the trees. I should be able to see the trees but right in front of these trees is a large pile of stacked wood and trash from a project that we did in the Fall. If I look closely I can see the tops of the trees, but I catch myself instead staring at the large trash pile blocking my way of the beautiful trees. My focus is not on the beautiful trees but on the stack of trash.

There is so much of God’s goodness all around us, but sometimes our views of His goodness gets blocked. How does this happen?

·         The enemy magnifies and distorts what is around us to make our problems seem larger or more threatening than they really are, hence our focus becomes on the amplification of the situation.

·         We become tuned-in to the frequency of what the enemy is trying to speak and confirm to us about our situations. The enemy is a master illusionist, if he can make you think and believe your situation is out of control by using props, people, and places you can easily begin to agree with the illusion.

·         Once our focus in turned towards the exaggerated problems, we no longer can view the goodness around us. At this point all we can hear and see is what the enemy is doing, hence God’s goodness gets blocked.

The enemy is not only a master illusionist at creating problems that seem to demand our attention but is relentless with the numerous attempts to get our focus and cause preoccupation with the issues. When these types of attacks come your way, you will need to be intentional in focusing on what is right. CHOOSE to write down at least (5) things that you are grateful for every day and CHOOSE to speak what your blessings are out loud every day. Turn your attention immediately from problems, distractions, and situations that seem persistent, frequent, and larger than you can handle. Go somewhere quiet and pray, breathe, and ask God to intervene. Then REFOCUS on what is good.

If you find yourself getting upset easily, agitated, aggravated, irritated or distracted when think about or are around certain situations, it is an indicator your focus is on the problem!  

Today, as challenging and unrelenting your circumstances may be, CHOOSE to focus on the good, your blessings, and turn your attention immediately from whatever is causing you to focus your attention on the problem.

Word of Encouragement Devotional: Being Good at One Thing or Being Mediocre at Many Things

How many roles do you have? Wife, mother, group leader, employee, etc. How many of the roles do you perform partially because there is not enough of you to go around? How many of the roles that you have you actually need to have, and how many you take on because of what others may expect of you?

Christians are no exception to carrying too many roles, in fact many are overloaded with various duties and responsibilities that are not allowing them to be great at one thing. If you are serving everywhere you will get burned-out! Christians don’t like to talk about burn-out, but it is real and I am concerned it is happening too frequently behind the guise of “serving like Jesus.” Jesus never overloaded his plate, and always made time for God.

In a small group I was in previously a question was asked what we did and who we were. Several of the women answered they were involved in leading or attending several small groups, not just one but multiple areas of serving. The last lady to answer the question said, “I feel bad, I don’t do what you all do, I’m just a stay at home mom.” I spoke up immediately and said that was great that she chooses to be great at the one thing God was calling her to do, and not running around all over the place while her children were neglected.

Reflect:

Why do we feel we need to have so many roles going on at the same time? Insecurity, people-pleasing, wanting approval from others, or want the recognition?

I got together with a good friend of mine and took some time catching up with what was going on in each other’s lives. After hearing all the roles my friend was trying to juggle at the same time, I was exhausted! My friend is in ministry full-time, volunteers in the nursery at church, is a leader of a small group, attends a small group, caregiver to a parent, and grandmother to several grandchildren. However, her overloaded schedule is not uncommon, many people choose to “burn the candle at both ends.”

I asked my friend two important questions, one, “When do you spend time with the Lord and get still before Him?” and second, “When do you rest?” There was a blank stare on her face as if I spoke something foreign.

If you don’t have time to spend with God and you don’t have time to rest-You are too busy! Do what God has called you to do and do it well by not being spilt between multiple roles.