To give them beauty
for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the
spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the
planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. Isaiah 61:3
What does beauty for ashes mean?
Ashes refers to
the adversities in life and beauty refers to how the Lord can turn around those
adversities that He might be glorified.
We should never hold onto our past, otherwise we become
victims of our circumstances, it is vitally important we understand our early
emotional wounds and uncover or expose them to gain healing. A lot of the time
those early childhood wounds are carried over into our adolescent years and
then “rooted” into our adult years. Rooted meaning grown deep into our soul. We
can begin to act out or behave externally but internally where the roots are
really determine why we act or behave externally. Exposing these roots is the
first step to healing. We may not even know why we get angry, depressed, or
fearful, but there is something internal or deep within us that has not been
rooted out of us.
The Holy Spirit can shed His spotlight on the hidden or
unexposed areas of trauma/abuse in our lives. But a word of caution, don’t try
and force revelation, let the Holy Spirit, in His time and His way expose those
areas. You may not be ready to deal with certain areas yet, so don’t push ahead
of God’s leading. A lot of the times we have to work out our healing, and
undoing a lifetime of emotional wounding takes time, so be patient with
yourself. God desires that you are healed and made whole. His desire is to
redeem you and restore you. Emotional healing starts when we uncover the deep
roots of pain first, it is what I like to call the first layer. Then the second
layer can be exposed and healed, and lastly the last layer can be exposed and
dealt with. We will explore these layers in greater detail. An analogy of your
healing is like pealing an onion, when you peel an onion it is one layer at a
time. As with our emotional healing, it is one layer at a time. Peeling off all
our layers at once could be painful and overall we would not get a complete
healing.
Types of
emotional wounds that need to be healed from early/late childhood (first
layer):
1.
Abuse-physical,
mental, emotional, and sexual
2.
Early
exposure to false religions or belonging to a religious system
3.
Betrayal-
family/friendships
4.
Rejection-family/friendships
5.
Death,
divorce, illness of parents of close relatives
6.
Unstable,
chaotic, or violent home environment
7.
Bullying
by family/peers
Most
important relationship during this time: family. So your early family relationships
are very important in your emotional health and well-being.
Types of emotional
wounds that need to be healed from late adolescence/early adulthood (second
layer):
1.
Betrayal
in friendships/relationships with significant others
2.
Relationship
break-ups
3.
Rape
(date rape)
4.
Abuse
in relationships with family/friends, dating relationships
5.
Crisis
pregnancy
6.
Abortion,
miscarriage
7.
Death,
divorce, illness of parents, friends, or loved ones
8.
Not
able to find a career or purpose in life
Most
important relationship during this time: friendships. So if there has been major
trauma with friendship during this time the greater the emotional wounding.
Types of emotional
wounds that need to be healed from latter years in life (third layer).
1.
Divorce
2.
Betrayal,
rejection, abuse or abandonment of spouse/friendships
3.
Stagnant
in career. Many perceived failures as a result
4.
Rape
5.
Death,
divorce, illness of spouse, children, family, or friendships.
6.
Miscarriage,
abortion, and/or infertility
7.
Prodigal
children
8.
Spiritual
abuse/manipulation of leadership in your church
9.
Caretaking
roles (sick children, parents)
1. Empty nest
1. Extended family members in crisis
1. Lose of job, finances and/or stability
Most important
relationship during this time: Significant other (spouse). So if you have been
emotionally wounded by a spouse during this time, the greater the emotional
wounds.
These layers
of emotional wounds are not all inclusive, you may find that your emotional
wounds are not listed. This is just a guide so you can add any other layers of
healing that you need to. If you have never received healing from early
childhood and early adult years then the layers of emotional wounds can merge
and you can begin to experience external behaviors that are surfacing from
internal root issues.
Healing
occurs first when we have a desire and believe God does want our emotional
healing.
Here are some action steps you can take
towards your healing:
1.
Pray and ask God for emotional healing. Don’t
underestimate this critical step towards your healing. Don’t relent and don’t
give up until you receive your healing. Pray this prayer if you need some help
getting started:
Heavenly Father,
Thank you Father that you desire to heal and restore me. I ask
you to bring restoration to my emotions, and to redeem the years the enemy has
stolen. Would you make me whole and bind-up all my emotional wounds. In Jesus
name.
2.
Journal, write out your pain, your true
feelings. Writing or journaling has proven to be an important therapeutic tool
for recovery. If you need help or assistance during this time, I offer email
counseling to women. I can also pray in
agreement with you for your healing. You can email me @ Stephanie@christianhopecounseling.com.
Write out your life story, from earliest childhood memories to present, but don’t
force this unless the Holy Spirit prompts this. The Holy Spirit will only lead
you to this step to expose and bring healing, not to bring more pain.
3.
Spend daily time with the Lord. Read the
Bible, pray, sing, meditate, and journal what God speaks to you.
4.
Write out your blessings every day! This
step helps with feelings of being a victim and with self-pity. Make a blessings
journal, write down (5) things to be thankful for every day.
5.
Read Joyce Meyer’s book, “Beauty for Ashes.”
Excellent read and recommended for people suffering from emotional wounds. The
first time I read “Beauty for Ashes” I received salvation at the end of reading
that book. Other reading recommendations: Joyce Meyer’s, “Battlefield of the
Mind.” Dr. Dan Allender’s, “Hope for adult victims of childhood sexual abuse.” My
book, “Wilderness Mentality.” You can find these books at amazon.com and you
can also find my book at www.createspace.com/4036784
6.
Rest and be still as God is working on you.
Love and forgive yourself. Forgive others that you hurt you; including your
offenders.
7.
Write a letter to your offenders or to the
people that have hurt you. You don’t have to send it! If God leads you,
confront your offenders in love and with forgiveness. This step should ONLY be
done under the direction and leading of the Holy Spirit.
8.
Know who you are in Christ. You can
download from Joyce Meyer’s ministries a copy of “Who you are in Christ.”
9.
Be gentle with yourself, healing takes
time. You did not get here overnight, so be patient with yourself.
1. Start
finding enjoyment in the small things in life. Begin to enjoy your life.
1.
Exercise, especially walking to relieve stress
that can accompany emotional wounds.
1. Love
yourself and think of yourself the way you would want someone to treat you.
Accept and love yourself, right where you are and who God created you to be.
1. Watch
your thinking and negative thought patterns and speech. CHOOSE to be thankful,
positive, and faith-filled.
Not allowing the emotional healing you need can lead to greater
emotional wounds. It is better to work through your pain then to numb your pain
or repress the pain. When we repress our pain, the pain just does not disappear
but will manifest in other external behaviors.
Here
are some distinct ways our unresolved pain can manifest:
1.
Drug/alcohol
abuse
2.
Anger
3.
Depression
4.
Worry/anxiety
5.
Constant
need for approval
6.
People
pleasing
7.
Fear;
fear of man
8.
Guilt;
condemnation
9.
Shame
1.
Inability
to trust others
1.
Difficulty
connecting or maintaining relationships
1.
Lack
of joy; difficulty finding enjoyment in life
1.
Lack
of true peace
1.
Discontentment
1.
Easily
offended/hurt
1.
Pretense-false
self to hide the real you
Take the journey
to your healing, God desires your healing and emotional healing can happen!