Every soon to be mother begins dreaming for her child that is
to be born. Mothers dream that their children will be productive, love their parents
and honor them, be who God destined them to be, and fulfill the call and
purpose in their life. Mothers dream early on that they will have a close,
loving relationship with their child. Mothers see themselves shopping with
their daughters and having lunch dates and mothers see themselves at every ball
game of their son’s life. Mothers dream of harmony and peace for their child.
They desire their child to have to go through minimal pain and heartache in
their lives. Mothers dream of the day they child will find and marry their
God-given mate and produce Godly grandchildren.
What happens when all those dreams become shattered, crushed,
and torn? A mother is thrown a lot of the times into deep despair and discouragement
and sometimes even depression. A mother will often go through a series of grief
encounters. Sometimes a mother accepts this tragedy and finds some comfort that
her child is far away from the things of God, and other times the mother
grieves in her spirit. She has a pain that no one can see. A type of “hole” in
her heart, a slow leak. You may see this mother at the grocery store or even at
your church. Most likely every mother’s day and every holiday she feels pain.
She gets that reminder, as she sees the other children with their parents that
her child is once again not there. She
tries not to show too much emotion but she is overcome in private with a whirlwind
of emotions. She wonders what went wrong and how much longer. Every phone call
she holds her breath, for she does not know if this time it will be the dreaded
phone call. Every unexpected knock on the door startles her. Fear takes over
her mind more times than she would like to admit. She realizes that fear does
not come from God, but sometimes fear gets the best of her. Sometimes, this
mother is up at night, can’t sleep; disturbed. Other times she is up warfare
praying for her child. Regardless, her sleeping is not as peaceful and restful
as it once was.
This mother waits year after year for the return of her
prodigal child. Each year she grows more wearied and despaired. The waiting is excruciating.
There are good moments and even peaceful times, but a mother forgets their
child and never forgets what or where they might be. Sometimes to survive she
has to put this out of her mind and “pretend” all is okay with her. She has
tried to discuss this with other mothers, but they can only understand so much
about the plight of a mother waiting for the return of her child. They can only
understand the unresolved grief that plagues her, and how sometimes she is
strong and other days she is weak and wearied from the crying and waiting.
What is a mother to do in this type of pain? How does she
continue to hold on when her world seems to be flooding her with overwhelming circumstances?
She sees and knows her child is in a desperate situation. Some prodigal children
lose everything and a mother has to sit there and watch her child suffer. She
knows if she intervenes as she has done in the past so many times, that it only
makes matters worse. How difficult it is to not intervene. A mother’s love will
always want to intervene when they see their child in trouble; it’s natural and
normal. It is not normal for a mother to do nothing when she sees her child yet
again suffer a consequence. As mothers we understand that if we continue to
bail out our children from their difficulty they may never learn and turn from
their destructive ways.
So what is a mother to do as she waits?
1.
Take
time for yourself. You have to take regularly time for yourself because of the
enormous stress having a prodigal can have, it is vital that you take regular time
for yourself. I like to call them retreat days. Pamper yourself during those
times.
2.
Have
daily time under the cover of the Lord and Savior. Also, incorporate at least
1x monthly retreat days with God. Journal during those times, listen for God,
pray, worship, sit outside and rest and wait for God to refresh your soul and
spirit.
3.
Exercise.
Walking is a great stress reliever.
4.
Find
at least one friend who you can trust and pray together, laugh together and
have a “girl day.”
5.
If
you are married, have your spouse pray over you regularly and pray together in
intercession weekly for your child. Praying in agreement is powerful.
6.
Worship
and sing praises to our Lord. Praise will defeat the enemy and send him
running!
7.
Play
relaxation music at every chance you can. Soft melodies, jazz, nature music,
and even classical.
8.
Take
bubble baths and light candles, bring your relaxation music in your bathroom as
well.
9.
Do
something fun at least 1x per week.
10. Find a creative outlet, painting,
drawing, and writing.
11. Go to the movie or rent a movie on
something funny or inspirational.
12. Date your husband. Go on at least 2
planned dates a month with your spouse.
13. Do not talk non-stop about your
prodigal child. Assign 20 minutes a day to discuss your child and then move on
to something else.
14. Incorporate nature into your life,
walk on the beach, watch and/or feed birds, ride bikes or walk on nature trail.
15. Be gentle with yourself and forgive
yourself. Love yourself, take care of yourself. Let go of all false guilt and
false responsibility.
16. Live one day at a time and do not
live in fear and terror.
17. Do not take on other heavy loads and
burdens. Having a prodigal child is a heavy enough load and burden to carry. If
you have other family members that are difficult and needy, you will need to
let go of them and let God intervene. God will not put more on you than you can
handle.
18. Stay away from getting entangled in
other people’s problems and lives. You can pray and encourage someone but do
not get entangled. The enemy would love to burden you with not just your
prodigal but everyone else’s problems.
19. If you are not able to attend church
on holidays or mother days because of the intensity of the grief, don’t.
20. Find other things in your life to
focus on instead of your prodigal all the time.
21. Live in HOPE! Never, lose hope and
wait expectedly upon the Lord.